Just Remember That Your Punk-Ass President Would Never, Ever, Ever Call LeBron James Dumb to His Face

Illustration for article titled Just Remember That Your Punk-Ass President Would Never, Ever, Ever Call LeBron James Dumb to His Face
Screenshot: CBS This Morning (YouTube)

We have known, since we’ve known who Donald Trump is, that Donald Trump is a racist. Perhaps his name hasn’t always been associated with racism, but racism has always been attached to the Donald Trump package, like an IKEA refrigerator equipped with a complimentary ice maker.


We know, for instance, that he was sued decades ago by the Department of Justice for discriminating against minority renters. We know about the full page ads he bought in the New York Times in the ‘80s, ultimately calling for the Central Park Five — young men who were eventually exonerated — to be executed. And we know that the only reason he was even a viable political figure was because of his campaign doubting the citizenship and legitimacy of Barack Obama. So his tweet yesterday about Don Lemon and LeBron James, insulting the intelligence of them both, is just an ice maker making more ice.

But a part of the Trump package that isn’t discussed as frequently — perhaps it’s addressed with the instructions booklet we neglected to read — is that Donald Trump is also a coward. For all of his tough talk and bluster, the president of the United States is a punk ass bitch. And this has also been apparent for as long as we’ve known who he is.

We know that he slipped out of draft duty because of ... bone spurs. Bone spurs don’t even get you on the NFL injury report, but he used it to stay the fuck away from actually having to fight. We know his history of bullying and insulting women. And, since he’s been in office, we’ve seen him cower to Kim Jong Un and literally get Deeboed by Vladimir Putin — two men who, for all of their faults, would definitely whoop Trump’s ass.

And now, Donald Trump has aimed his furious and tiny Twitter fingers at LeBron James. When we all know — what decades of evidence has taught us — that the only thing Trump would say when seeing LeBron approaching is OMAR’S COMING!

The homie Kara Brown articulated this earlier today.


Unfortunately, Kara surely knows, as we all know, that this will never, ever, ever, ever happen. Not with this shiftless, bone-spurred, chickenhawk-in-chief. Which is, perhaps, the most indicting aspect of the Trump presidency and the people who elected him. We’ve had racist presidents before. We’ve had malignant misogynists in office before. But never has our president been such a fucking wimp.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)


King Beauregard

“punk ass bitch”

This is such a great phrase, but I’ve been leaning towards “punk ass snowflake” lately. Not as catchy but it doesn’t carry misogynistic overtones. (I do not think the phrase “punk ass bitch” necessarily implies any misogyny, I just see a value in not even going there. Though “punk ass snowflake” still communicates bias against punks and asses.)