Other than being a dugout janitor or collecting urine samples for a living, I can’t think of a worse job in professional sports than being the head coach of the New York Knicks. The owner is somehow both a coward and an imbecile, the front office is a rotating cast of resounding failures and sexual harassment allegations, and they failed to sign two of the biggest names in the sport, Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving, when they had virtually nowhere else to go.
But if you think any of the above is stopping the next contestants of Who Wants to Be Fired By a Billionaire from clamoring for the gig anyway, you clearly haven’t been paying any attention to the news. Because if you were, you’d know that after inserting universally revered agent Leon Rose as its latest head of basketball operations, there are a smorgasbord of candidates who can’t wait to coach this sorry-ass squad to eight wins, only to inevitably return to delivering Postmates.
So who are the Knicks courting?
Marc Stein of the New York Times reports that Jason Kidd has somehow made the cut, despite putting the Milwaukee Bucks in a headlock (they miraculously transformed into a juggernaut immediately after his firing in 2018) and having the dubious distinction of jumpstarting his coaching career with a DUI suspension. Good times. He’s also noted for being an abysmal defensive coach who can’t inspire young players—which the Knicks, ironically, are brimming with—and somehow has accrued a lackluster coaching record of 183-190 despite coaching the likes of Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Giannis Antetokounmpo.
This would sound like a match made in heaven, except the Knicks also have eyes for former Minnesota Timberwolves coach Tom Thibodeau—who’s foaming at the mouth thinking of ways to somehow play RJ Barrett 97 minutes a game—former Brooklyn Nets coach Kenny Atkinson, Philadelphia 76ers assistant Ime Udoka and the Knicks’ current interim coach Mike Miller.
There’s even word that Jeff Van Gundy, one of the greatest coaches in franchise history, would be open to a family reunion, but after glancing at the Knicks roster he was overheard laughing hysterically into an asthma pump.
With Rose’s hire, one would hope that the Knicks would finally get in the gym, shed the winter weight and finally get right, but we’ve been down this road one too many times before and already know how this ends: the Knicks will either pick the wrong person for the job (Jeff Hornacek anyone?) or pick the right person and thrust them into the worst possible situation—like they just did with David Fizdale.
Good luck with that shit.