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It's Official: Mike Tyson Is About to Beat Roy Jones Jr.'s Ass and I Have Questions

Illustration for article titled Its Official: Mike Tyson Is About to Beat Roy Jones Jr.s Ass and I Have Questions
Photo: Christian Petersen (Getty Images)

My email inbox is the boulevard of broken dreams.

Every day, I scour through dozens of emails from publicists and other interested parties eager to schedule a guest for my podcast, get something published in The Root or discuss some other matter of business related to the 50/11 other things I have my hands in.

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Most of them go unanswered, some of them go unread, but today I saw something that made me tilt my head in disbelief. First I saw this:

LEGENDARY BOXER, MIKE TYSON, TO MAKE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED RETURN TO THE RING ON SEPTEMBER 12, 2020 ON PAY-PER-VIEW, IN PARTNERSHIP WITH TRILLER THE VIRAL SOCIAL MEDIA AND MUSIC PLATFORM

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Okay, cool. Not entirely surprising, considering Tyson has been teasing his return for a hot minute now, but my interest was peaked. Then I saw this, and...

Legendary former Undisputed Heavyweight World Champion, and entrepreneur, Mike Tyson, is set to make his highly anticipated return to the ring in a face-off against four-division World Champion, Roy Jones Jr.

Wait, what? Roy Jones Jr.?

The same Roy Jones Jr. who retired about 14 years too late in 2018 and spent the mid-2000s kissing the canvas? The same Roy Jones Jr. that arguably killed his own career by yoyoing between weight classes? The same Roy Jones Jr. I completely forgot existed until reading that email? That Roy Jones Jr.?

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“Oh shit,” I said out loud. “This nigga bout to die.”

I mean, sure. Iron Mike is 54 years old now and a far cry from the ravenous executioner he was in a past life, but have you seen how hard this dude still punches?!

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Look at this shit!

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Man, fuuuuuuck that. Roy bout to wake up in the afterlife, for real.

Their fight, if I can even call it that, will go down on September 12 as part of Tyson’s newly launched Legends Only League, a sports venture between Tyson and Erson Innovations. Also of note, we’ll be treated to a ten-part docu-series featuring behind-the-scenes, pre-fight footage leading up to the match that presumably includes Roy’s dentist begging him not to step into the ring.

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“Frontline Battle,” the official title for this event, will be a three-hour extravaganza that will feature undercard matches and “iconic musical performances”—Please, God, no Flo-Rida—that will be announced soon. And if you’d like to partake, you’ll be able to watch Roy get decollated on pay-per-view and the multi-media platform, Triller.

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If I was Roy, I’d just pay for somebody with the coronavirus to cough on me so I could dodge that fade. Keep his jaw in your prayers, y’all.

Menace to supremacy. Founder of Extraordinary Ideas and co-host and producer of The Extraordinary Negroes podcast. Impatiently waiting for ya'll to stop putting sugar in grits.

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DISCUSSION

houstondude2016
HoustonDude2016

I know nothing of boxing, but I’m old enough to have had the opportunity to watch Ali on TV towards the end of his career. I watched Tyson’s career.

Ali clearly was the better boxer, and I suspect Ali beats Tyson 9 out of 10 times, but man, there are few things scarier than Tyson coming out of his corner in the first round.