Is Your Black Professor White? A Pop Quiz

Illustration for article titled Is Your Black Professor White? A Pop Quiz
Photo: Gorodenkoff (Shutterstock)

Apparently, “POC” stands for “professor of color.”

An anonymous essay posted on Medium accuses Kelly Kean Sharp, an assistant professor of African American History at Furman University, of lying about her Hispanic heritage when she described herself as a woman of Mexican descent. According to the post, Sharp’s now-deleted Twitter account identified her as “#Chicana Asst prof of African American history at @FurmanU” and the Greenville News reports that Professor Gringo has resigned from the university, which was confirmed by Furman administrators.

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Sharp reportedly taught Black history for two years at Luther College, which I assume is a music conservatory named after Luther Vandross, who vowed that he “won’t tell a soul; no one has to know.” The Root could not confirm that Ariana Grande was Sharp’s prized pupil.

This is not the first or second time a college instructor has been outed for pretending their ancestors clapped on beat. Jessica Krug, a “historian of politics, ideas, and cultural practices in Africa and the African Diaspora” admitted that she was not a Black woman of Caribbean descent. It turned out, she was biracial (Becky mixed with Karen). Craig Chapman, a University of New Hampshire instructor who allegedly posed as a “woman of color” on Twitter, also turned out to be the whitest white man who ever whited, according to the Daily Beast. And never forget Nkechi Amare Diallo Shaka Zulu Boomquisha D’Amaretto Sour, or “The professor formerly known as Rachel Dolezal.”

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On the one hand, it’s nice to see that blackface has become passé. But, how does an innocent college student tell if their professor is really a Black American or just a white woman with a blaccent?

Thankfully, the scholars in The Root’s academic integrity department put together this handy-dandy history quiz for college students, academic institutions and anyone who suspects African American Studies Professor Lakeisha Washington might actually be a no leg washing Karen.


1. This custom emerged when enslaved Africans were forbidden from marriage and became a tradition at African-American wedding monies

A. The Chicken Dance
B. Jumping the broom
C. The Electric Slide
D. Running out of Crown Royal.

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2. Where are “your people” from?

A. The hood
B. A small town called “fresh off a niggas ass”
C. Africa
D. Down South

3. Which Black historical figure’s assassination caused the most sorrow in Black America?

A. The assassination of Martin Luther King
B. When Ricky got shot
C. James Evans’ automobile accident
D: The police killing in “Children’s Story”

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4. Which one of these HBCU programs is the most exclusive?

A. Mission College’s Gamma Ray Training Program
B. The Dr. Umar School of Overstanding
C. The Dora Milaje College of Wishing a Motherfucker Would
D. Hillman College’s Dwayne Wayne School of Engineering

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5. Rank these traditional African-American gatherings in order of importance

A. Cookout
B. Pastor’s anniversary
C. A repast
D. An HBCU Homecoming

6. Which Ph.D. thesis was nominated for a Nobel Prize?

A. A Punishment-Based Model for Time Travel: The Quantum Physics of Getting Slapped into Next Week
B. Who All Gon Be There: A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Social Excursions
C. I told Y’all Motherfuckers Not to Play With Me: Retrospective Doubt and Perception
D. Knuck if You Buck: The Social and Physical Ramifications of “That Smoke”

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7. Which one of these historic locations deserves the most respect?

A. Your grandmother’s house
B. Any place where it’s thundering and lightning
C. The church grounds
D. Where Pookie got shot

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8. What is the definition of “grease?”

A. An oil used for frying chicken or fish
B. A hair product
C. A byproduct of fried bacon typically saved in a coffee can by the stove
D. To win a fight or a contest by a decisive margin

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9. In the Black community, which one of these most valuable?

A. The Big Joker
B. A plate from an event you did not attend
C. The anointing
D. The white man’s ice

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10. Which one of these historical figures is generally held in low regard?

A. Carolyn Bryant Donham
B. Bull Connor
C. Boo Boo the fool
D. Becky with the good hair

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11. Which one of these legal cases has not been settled by the Black Supreme Court?

A. Barbara vs. Shirley
B. Sugar vs. salt on grits
C. Who in the hell left the Gate open?
D. Who let the dogs out?

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12. There is no need to verify the authenticity of a claim if a person swears...

A. on their grandmama’s grave
B. fo’ God
C. on everything they love
D. on Jesus and three more white folks

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13. Finish these historical quotes:

A. “Until you do right by me_____”
B. “I don’t know karate but_____”
C. “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, _____”
D. “God is good all the time and ______”

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14. Which one of these historical events engendered the most pride?

A. The election of Barack Obama
B. A fresh shapeup
C. Running a Boston
D. Your nephew getting all As and Bs on their report card

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15. Historically, which of these events is responsible for the most residual historical trauma?

A. Picking out your own switch
B. Jim Crow
C. Being called the n-word
D. Being in the presence of a police officer

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16. Which is the most frowned upon historically Black acting method:

A. Like you don’t know nobody
B. Like your goddamned daddy
C. Like your mama is one of your lil’ friends
D. Like you ain’t got no home training

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17. Which one of these assumed historical “facts” is not correct?

A. Harriet Tubman freed a thousand slaves
B. Jesus was white
C. America has “liberty and justice for all”
D. White people know what Martin Luther King would have wanted

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18. In 50 words or less, explain how to make macaroni

19. How many times have you called the police on someone

A. Never
B. Once. But my life was in danger
C. People do that?
D. Including this time?

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20. Are you white?

A. Hell no!
B. Is your mammy white?
C. Step outside and I’ll show your ass who’s white
D. Aight, you got me.

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Answer Key:

If you’re reading this, you’re white.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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DISCUSSION

illinimike
IlliniMike

Answer Key:

If you’re reading this, you’re white.

Well I’ll be a son of a bitch, the math checks out