If Black Twitter Was a Person

Illustration for article titled If Black Twitter Was a Person
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When we began curating this column on social media, we discovered that many people assume the cultural phenomenon called “Black Twitter” is an official network to which they can subscribe and check out all the culturally relevant information on the internet.

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It’s time that we clear up this misinformation and correct the erasure of an important figure in Black History.

Black Twitter is an actual person.

According to the Wikipedia page that I’m going to create as soon as I finish writing this, Black Twitter lives and breathes. So, to educate you on this oft-forgotten hero, we wanted to share the basics of Black Twitter’s life.

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Black Twitter, (born Blackasfuhk Run’Telldat Twitteronomy; August 21, 1619) is a gender non-conforming African American journalist, comedian, entertainer and activist who became the most visible spokesperson and leader in the negro social media movement. Preferring to use the pronouns “they/nem,” Black Twitter is best known for memes, social justice, connecting disparate communities, memes and providing an outlet for laughter in the harshest of times.

Before Black Twitter, Michael Jordan was just a basketball player, not a cultural symbol for sadness and humiliation. There was a time in American history where people had to endure uncomfortable confrontations to ask someone why they were lying until black Twitter solved that problem.

Scientists even adopted the rules of Black Twitter. Beginning in 2020, instead of scores, the Scholastic Aptitude Test will send test-takers one of two responses. People who score above a certain threshold will be notified with this meme:

Gif: Know Your Meme
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While less-than-stellar scorers will simply get this as a reply:

Gif: Conceited (Other)
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Early Life and Education

Black Twitter was born in the projects and raised with two other siblings by a single mother who instilled discipline and responsibility at an early age. They showed an early flair for drama, rhythm and unapologetic blackness.

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After graduating from an HBCU, they found a job translating AAVE to white people talk. Between day parties, in their spare time, BT began studying how to fight and make people laugh at any subject:

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Political Activism

As Black Twitter grew older, they became very involved in politics, presenting an unvarnished version of truth that some people found refreshing. It harnessed the power of social media to create the Black Lives Matter movement and change the political discourse in America

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Later years

As Black Twitter grew older, it became a cultural influencer, setting the trends across the world of music, fashion and film. It also became active in politics and history.

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Death

Black Twitter will never die.

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For the sake of equality, I think we should also present some content from white Twitter.

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Here is how white Twitter was born:

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It’s filled with ratchedness like this:

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And here is an exclusive clip of White Twitter keeping up with Black Twitter:

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World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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DISCUSSION

mxchxtx1
Machete Once Again

Most recently, Black Twitter called Terry Crews Muscle Ruckus.

I’ll never leave Black Twitter. I’ve moved in and put $5 on the rent.