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What followed next was a summation of her stay in The Bachelor mansion, including an unflattering description of the living conditions as well as the mental toll being on the series took on her and body.

“The show tapes for ten weeks. In the beginning, you’re stuck in the mansion. I hated it. I always tell people it was the dirtiest place ever. Think the movie The Money Pit. Once you get inside, you see the cracks in the foundation. Appliances don’t work; the backyard is not complete. (This in addition to 22 women living in three rooms.) By the time we left, my eyes were puffy. I had an allergic reaction from the lack of sleep, drinking too much, and feeling dehydrated.”

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Lindsay also divulged her feelings in regard to certain men and storylines during her time as The Bachelorette, including her disdain for the show’s producers prioritizing “people who might cause drama in the house” and their push to “explore the narrative of a Black man who had barely dated any Black women.” (The latter of which she recently brought to light nearly a month ago today.)

By the end of the piece, it’s evident (and explicitly stated) that Rachel Lindsay wants nothing to do with The Bachelor Nation moving forward. And after learning what I just learned, I probably wouldn’t either.

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“I’m no longer making myself available to The Bachelor universe (though any contestant, past, future, or present, who needs my advice can call me). To the franchise, I am no longer a figurehead. I am no longer a spot-filler. I am no longer the face of what is diverse. The goal for me was always to be that person until I could step away because the change had happened, and I could sit back and enjoy it. That hasn’t come to pass, exactly, but I’ll cautiously sit back and watch the upcoming season with Michelle Young—the next Black Bachelorette—to uplift and support her.”

This article appears in full in the June 21 issue of New York Magazine.