In news that can only be described as “Jesus, are you still on the mainline because I have questions?” Black people online have been convinced that the rapture is happening on Tuesday (Sep. 23) through Sep. 24 and trust us when we say — the way this news has taken over the timelines has got to be the funniest thing since the “Negro Solstice” of 2020. Let’s get into it!
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All the online hubub about the end of the world and “going up yonder” is thanks to a now-viral YouTube video from South African pastor Joshua Mhlakela who said that Jesus told him in a dream that the rapture would happen on the aforementioned dates.
“The Rapture is upon us,” Mhlakela said. “Whether you are ready, or you are not ready, the Rapture, in 14 days from now, is going to take place.”
If it’s been a minute since you’ve been to Sunday school, then the “rapture” refers to the popular belief in Christianity that details a time where all believers of the faith and Jesus will be “caught up,” and will meet Jesus in the air and ascend to Heaven. There are supposed to trumpets and glorious sounds, it’s a whole ordeal if you’re person of the faith.
Now, it should also be noted here that in Biblical scripture, Jesus explicitly says that “no man knows the day nor the hour” of when the “second coming” is going to happen. There’s even a followup where Jesus puts it more plainly, saying: “Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming.”
Seeing that as the case, it’s interesting to see prophets and other people say that they know when the date and time for the rapture is. And while the video online only has a little over 400,000 views on YouTube, clips of his “prophecy” made its way to TikTok where it subsequently blew up and spawned a litany of hilarious reactions.
Chief among them being from user Dwight Thomas who had a handful of questions about how exactly this preplanned rapture was going to take place and expressed game plan for those who were going to go up.
“I want y’all to send me all your worldly possessions, OK? I take Cash App, Zelle, Venmo, anything. Food stamps, just send it. In the event that the rapture really don’t come, I need that. Also, if the rapture does in fact happen, does my student loans get cleared? Do they fix my credit,” Thomas said.
Over on X/Twitter, more unserious behavior ensued from Black folks who couldn’t help but make light of the situation.
“Can the people that believe rapture is happening tomorrow send me all their money?” wrote one user.
“So upset the Holy Rapture didn’t carry me away to heavenly bliss. Still stuck in this wretched hell with all you sinful bastards,” said another clearly upset user.
One user decided to somewhat lighten (or dampen, depending on how you look at it) the mood, penning: “I’m sorry if you’re still here you unfortunately didn’t qualify for the rapture.”
However, there was arguably no one more dedicated to getting to the bottom of the this holy ordeal like Christian comedian and actor KevOnStage, who kept his fans and followers updated every few hours once the clock struck midnight on the date.
Clocking into the different time zones and trying to figure when he was going to be in the number when the Saints go marching in, his video checking in with his “Asian brothers and sisters” was the first of many hilarious followups.
“Asian brothers and sisters, if you’re left behind: please check in. Did people go straight up? Was it a slow flow? Quick flow?” he asked before asking the folks in New Zealand if they were still preparing to go to work.
In a later video, he and his wife could be seen getting on a plane and he hilariously revealed that he booked the flight at the exact time that he did so that he had a higher chance of being “caught up” before the rapture clock struck for anyone else.
But in an unfortunate(??) turn of events, neither KevOnStage nor his wife got raptured up and he subsequently posted a video celebrating the fact that he was still on this side of Heaven, using Tisha Campbell’s viral song “Steel Here.”
Others also expressed their feelings on being “left behind” with one user writing on X/Twitter: “Rapture didn’t happen? Or is it me that didn’t float.”
“Truth is, i was a first round rapture pick but they knew somebody had to stay down here to be in charge of the girls left behind. my work is never finished,” said another.
Joked one user: “Today is rapture day. Again. So if you see random people floating in the sky, no worries, that just means you got left behind. Block parties start at 8pm in each time zone. Someone remember the chips this time, please.”
TikTok iser Ananiah probably had felt what we all might be feeling once the realization hits that we weren’t caught in the rapture like Anita Baker in 1986.
The head shaking, the trembling, the smoking. We get it, we really do. Maybe we’ll all have better luck next time!
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