Not a day goes by when some angry white person isn’t in the comment section of a black news site, screaming about how “All lives matter,” or talking about the National Association for the Advancement of White People. Who knew such a thing even existed? Point out white privilege to white people, and they get all up in arms: “I’m poor and white. I don’t have any privilege. I had to work hard for everything I have.”
Let’s talk white privilege for a second. Even if you think you don’t have it, a weekly scan of the news will clearly show that it exists, whether you want to believe it or not. Sometimes, white privilege shows up in the funniest of situations, but other times, it’s downright deadly.
A recent post on The Root examined several things that black people can’t do or get away with. But let’s take a look at a few things white people can do, and have gotten away with, because … privilege.
1. Dance to Future During a Stolen-Car Chase
Imagine living your life like a “Grand Theft Auto” video game: just cruising down Interstate 405 in Los Angeles and being tailed by the police. Once you decide to stop and pull over, you get out of the stolen vehicle and start dancing to Future’s new song, “Where Ya At”; then you nonchalantly get back into your car.
Well, you don’t have to imagine this if you’re white. It actually happened in Los Angeles. Now, you know, if this were a black person, before she could step one foot out of the car, her body would have been riddled with bullet holes. Hell, a black homeless woman couldn’t even walk around California without getting beaten by the police.
2. Ride a Pink Barbie Jeep Around Town After Getting a DUI
What do you do when your father takes your car away after getting a DUI? One college student in Texas figured, why ride a bike when she could roll around on dubs? By “dubs,” I mean on a pink Barbie Jeep she got off Craigslist. Imagine the headlines if she were a black college student: “Crazed Black Woman Arrested for Driving Barbie Car Without License.” I’m not going to knock the college student, but I’m definitely not going to try it.
3. Yell at Police Officers and Live
When you wander down the rabbit hole of traffic-stop videos on YouTube, you notice one thing. White people can be irate as hell when they’re being pulled over. So irate, they’ll yell in the face of a police officer and even survive.
4. Win Awards for Being Mediocre
Miley Cyrus. Taylor Swift. Iggy Azalea. One Direction. No further commentary needed.
5. Have Sex With Ray J (on Tape) and Get to Be a Mainstream Celebrity Afterward
Sex tapes just don’t work for black women. They will not skyrocket you to fame. Just ask Laurence Fishburne’s daughter, or even Mimi from Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta. I bet Mimi thought that sex tape with her swinging from an industrial-strength shower rod was going to make her even more famous. Nah. Didn’t happen. But it garnered a lot of laughs. So the next time your boyfriend or girlfriend asks you to bust it open on video, under the assumption you can get famous from it—don’t. Just think twice. You’ll only end up on WorldStar.
6. Deflate Footballs and Get Away With It
Tom Brady. Look at the look on his face.
7. Have Hair Like Donald Trump
Ever see a black guy with a comb-over? No. And thank God.
8. Be a Terrorist but Not Get Labeled as Such
“Oh, he was such a nice young man.” “Everyone liked him.” “He came from a troubled home.” But one of the last things you’ll hear a white person called, after he or she has committed an act of terrorism, is a terrorist.
9. Drink Wine and Have Fun
Who did those black women think they were? I mean, why should they have expected to pay money to enjoy themselves on a wine train? Why shouldn’t they have been allowed to laugh and cavort like other people? Hopefully, they’ll laugh all the way to the bank with a lawsuit.
10. Make Money off the Weed Industry That Has Others Sitting in Jail Rotting Away
White people are cashing in because of the legalization of marijuana in certain states. Must be nice. Especially since Raheem is probably sitting in jail right now because he got caught with some that couldn’t be taxed.
11. Get to Pretend to Be Black
Remember Rachel Dolezal? Imagine black people walking around saying they were white? Yeah, their relatives would probably have them under a 72-hour mental hold in a matter of seconds.
12. Get to Point Out Racism Without Being Accused of Being a Racist
Tim Wise has it made. Here is a white man who has made a career of pointing out racism. Wonder how many people have called him racist. Write a simple article about racism? That’s 10 comments and five hate emails later calling you a racist, if you’re black. Please refrain from emailing me. Yes, I know. You probably think this is racist.