He’d Rather Die Enormous Than Live Dormant. So What’s Bigger Than Owning the Denver Broncos?

One question I get all the damn time—aside from, “Nigga, you ate all them crab legs?!”—is how in the hell did I become a fan of both the Orlando Magic and Denver Broncos. Geography isn’t exactly my ministry, but I can completely understand how my allegiance to each of these franchises is confusing as shit considering there are approximately 2,000 miles between those cities—and I’ve lived in exactly neither of them.

But to answer that question, when your life reads like a Choose Your Own Adventure book—I was born in Bronx, NY; raised in Tulsa, Okla.; squandered almost my entire adult life in Phoenix, Ariz.; then moved to Los Angeles in 2014—you do as you damn well please. Especially when you grew up in a city with no professional sports teams. (In hindsight, perhaps the Orlando Magic was a poor decision.)

I bring this up because I’ve spent almost my entire life obsessed with every intricate detail—good or bad—when it comes to the Broncos or Magic. I can tell you how many championship rings John Elway has, and how many Nick Anderson cost the Magic. I can prattle off how many years it’s been since the Broncos sniffed the playoffs, and how many years of his career that Grant Hill spent screwing over Orlando. I can express my deep disdain for all things Dwight Howard, and my admiration for Phillip Lindsay. I can also tell you that the Broncos’ ownership situation has been a fucking mess for a hot minute now and I would love nothing more than for it to be resolved post haste.

This brings us to Jay-Z.

On Monday, hours before the Baltimore Ravens and Los Angeles Oakland Las Vegas Raiders blessed us with one of the greatest regular-season games ever, came the news that the most successful rapper to ever tell the NFL “I don’t need you,” only to turn around and do business with them—all while touting this rapacious union as, of all things, the evolution of Colin Kaepernick’s protests—is a potential suitor to purchase my beloved Denver Broncos.

From Front Office Sports:

NFL sources expect the Denver Broncos to hit the market in 2022 after what the team says will be an “orderly determination of ownership”—setting the stage for possibly the biggest franchise sale in U.S. sports history.

Pat Bowlen, who purchased the Broncos for $78 million in 1984, died in June 2019, exposing a struggle for the future of the franchise among some of his seven daughters, including a lawsuit brought by two of them that was dismissed in July.

While the team is currently not for sale and Bowlen’s descendants could keep it in the family, sources tell Front Office Sports the family’s differences, combined with the purchase price—expected to be around $4 billion—will likely lead to a sale.

$4 billion??? That sounds like a massive overdraft fee to my broke ass, but apparently, there are two names at the top of the list of potential buyers: Jeff Bezos, who’s made an obscene amount of money throughout this pandemic and previously expressed interest in NFL ownership; and one Shawn Corey Carter, who’s seen his net worth skyrocket to a reported $1.4 billion after hitting up the pawnshop to get rid of that one streaming service that everybody hates. To be clear, there’s about a $200 billion difference between their bank accounts, but never say never when it comes to Beyoncé’s husband.

And while Black Twitter would love nothing more than a Black-ass NFL owner who could host Verzuz in his own stadium—because why not?—Complex says not so fast:

Despite reports stating otherwise, Jay-Z isn’t looking to purchase the team if the opportunity arises next year, a source close to the situation tells Complex.

This report could be bullshit, as not to draw too much attention to Hov’s motives, but I guess only time will tell. In the interim, I guess I’ll be keeping an eye on Craiglist in hopes that the team does go on sale for the low.