GTFOH Trump Watch: Bill Barr Totally Wasn’t Fired but It Sure Looks Like It

Illustration for article titled GTFOH Trump Watch: Bill Barr Totally Wasn’t Fired but It Sure Looks Like It
Photo: BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI (Getty Images)

We all knew it was only a matter of time. The clock started ticking on Attorney General Bill Barr’s time in the White House the moment that he said that the election was fair.

Evil Fred Flintstone Face learned a difficult lesson during his time in the Trump administration and that is you’re only as good as your last lie. Didn’t matter that Evil John Goodman Face had been a loyal follower of Trumpism right up until the election; Trump had no use for him when he wouldn’t go along with the lie that the election was stolen from Trump. So in that, Barr resigned—but he was totally fired—but let’s act like he voluntarily resigned.

Barr’s resignation was announced Monday. Barr is reported to be ending his tenure as Trump’s henchman next week. Trump, being the tweeter-in-chief, announced the news on Twitter shortly after learning that the Electoral College had done whatever it is that they do and Trump had lost the election again for the fifth time.

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Trump’s been trying to act as if he wasn’t pissed at Barr for delegitimizing his illegitimate voter fraud bullshit, but he was. And you know how I know for a fact that he was pissed? He sent out a tweet claiming that he wasn’t.

“Just had a very nice meeting with Attorney General Bill Barr at the White House. Our relationship has been a very good one, he has done an outstanding job! As per letter, Bill will be leaving just before Christmas to spend the holidays with his family,” Trump tweeted, CNN reports.

Of course, it was a very nice meeting because the man that you hate just quit. Anytime anyone comes out and says “Our relationship has been a very good one” you know that relationship has been abusive AF.

Trump continued: “Deputy Attorney General Jeff Rosen, an outstanding person, will become Acting Attorney General. Highly respected Richard Donoghue will be taking over the duties of Deputy Attorney General. Thank you to all!”

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Even CNN was on to it:

Despite Trump’s upbeat message, he had been seriously considering firing his attorney general as recently as Sunday, people familiar with the matter said, though officials did not believe he would go through with dismissing Barr immediately.

Over the past several months aides have discouraged Trump from firing Barr. The President seemed to find a compromise way of seeing Barr out by tweeting about his “very good” relationship with him.

But the two men’s relationship was not, by aides’ estimations, very good. Trump on Friday again told officials in a meeting he wanted to fire Barr, and over the weekend did not seem moved off his position.

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Still, a White House official said Barr was not forced out or fired.

Basically, Trump did the thing that I used to do when I was in a relationship and I wanted to break up but I didn’t have the heart to do it, so I just made it impossible to stay with me so that the woman would leave as if it was her decision.

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Don’t look at me like that.

The Bible says: “Don’t judge a nigga, until you’ve seen her use the bathroom with the door open.”

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And I’m a Christian.

We can all expect Bill Barr to go on the, “I could no longer work for an administration that was deceiving the country” tour any day now.

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If These Fake Electors Don’t GTFOH 

The election is over.

The election has been over, but because Trump has a problem with letting a sleeping dog lie (and no, this has nothing to do with South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham), we’ve had to go through all this bullshit to prove to an audience of one that the election is, in fact, over. And that shit still doesn’t matter.

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Yesterday, for the love of God, the fucking Electoral College casting their votes was fucking televised. On actual TV. To prove how amazingly bizarre this all is, tell me another time that the Electoral College has ever been televised? Let me help you: not never. Not in the history of ever have we ever seen this shit. Hell, before yesterday I didn’t know that my vote even had to go to college! Which, btw, fuck that vote. Because if he knew that he wanted to continue his education he would’ve done better in high school instead of smoking by the bleachers and chasing girls.

Now the Arizona Republican Party, which insists that Arizona was stolen from President Trump, enlisted 11 fake electors to cast their fake votes for Trump, arguably the dumbest shit in the history of some really dumb shit that has happened in the last four years.

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From AZ Central:

The party even sent out a press release – headlined “Arizona Republican Presidential Electors Convene To Cast Votes For President Trump, Vice President Pence” – along with an all-smiles picture of the 11 fake electors.

Then came the three-page “Joint Resolution of the 54th Legislature,” asking Congress to accept the 11 “alternate” electoral votes for Trump or “to have all electoral votes nullified completely until a full forensic audit can be conducted.”

It’s not shocking that Ward and a handful of fringe legislators would buy into kooky conspiracy theories of the many ways in which Democrats stole the election and fake electoral votes designed to ensure that Trump prevails.

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In the fantasy world in which Trump and the fake electors live, Trump has won the election and the Electoral College by a landslide; 5,436 to 2. Trump is expected to join DC’s shadow senate to continue to govern once he’s taken from the White House in handcuffs.

C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)

Being president of the United States has had its perks for the president. He got to have several big trucks visit him during work hours. He got to have fast food delivered anytime he wants, and he can always raise money to fight for justice—and by justice I mean, money to pay for all these bills.

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President Donald Trump’s latest grift might be his most impressive.

He’s asking all of his supporters to hand over cash to help Republicans win the Georgia Senate runoff elections.

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“We MUST defend Georgia from the Dems!” he wrote in one recent text message, Politico reports. “I need YOU to secure a WIN in Georgia,” he said in another. “Help us WIN both Senate races in Georgia & STOP Socialist Dems,” he added just days later.

Except there is only one problem: Trump doesn’t give AF about those elections if he’s not going to be president, which is why he’s been banking most of the cash, and the Georgia senators competing in the Jan. 5 races haven’t seen any of it.

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From Politico:

Trump’s aggressive fundraising blitz appears to be devoted to helping the party defend Georgia’s two Senate seats and, with them, the Senate majority. But the fine print shows that most of the proceeds are going toward Trump’s newly launched PAC, which he plans to use to fund his future political activities. Only a fraction is going to the Republican National Committee, which is investing $20 million into the runoffs.

A stampede of political figures from both parties are emailing their donors with links to donate directly to the Georgia candidates, but the president is not among them.

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Well played, Mr. Trump. Well played.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

jd02121
Nunna Yorz - You're NOT my ally just because you hate Trump

Barr served his purpose. He’s a white nationalist legal whore. Doesn’t matter whether he quit or resigned. He was out in a month regardless.

He was a useful sycophant back when he helped cover up the Iran Contra. He pledged his loyalty to get the job with Trump with his open love letter about how he believes sitting presidents can’t be charged with crimes. He was a useful sycophant and crony from the Mueller investigation right up to now.

I couldn’t care less whether he quit or not because he’s also a piece of shit who ordered protesters to be tear gassed, and said that observing Covid safety guidelines was the worst thing since slavery. Fuck Bill Barr. Somebody needs to punch the jowls off his white supremacist face.