Georgia Women Arrested for Selling Weed Edibles at Church

Illustration for article titled Georgia Women Arrested for Selling Weed Edibles at Church
Photo: Chatham County Sheriffs Office

Apparently confused by someone who said they wanted to get to know the “Most High,” two Georgia women who were trying to “lift his name,” now face felony drug charges after they were arrested by narcotics officers for peddling marijuana edibles at a church event.


According to WJLA, on Friday, September 14, 28-year-old Ebony Cooper and 26-year-old Leah Pressley attended an event hosted by a Savannah, Ga. church. The event featured local entrepreneurs selling their products and was hosted by a vendor outside the church.

Unimpressed by these women’s Mary, Mother of Jane ministry, the Chatham-Savannah Counter Narcotics Team either received a vision from God or was tipped off by a hating-ass heathen who doesn’t understand the Bible verse in Second Marijuanians 2:3 about sharing the beautiful gifts of the earth among the members of the church.

So, according to a Facebook post by the CNT, they started watching 28-year-old Ebony Cooper, who had a booth selling cereal treats, brownies, pudding and other weed-infused treats designed to help the saints get nearer to thee, o Lord. The officers even bought a few of the products and, while they would not confirm whether or not they consumed any, they suspiciously got the munchies and forgot where they put their keys.

After the women were finished keeping the saints lifted, the narcotics officers followed the pair, probably trying to find their drug lab, or what some dope dealers refer to as “the kitchen.” When they finally apprehended the high-rolling bake sale cartel, cops seized $1,000 in cash, a large amount of edibles and a loaded firearm.

Cooper and Pressley were placed under arrest and given felony drug charges, although the police did not say if they investigated the claims that the edibles had rained down upon them like Manna from heaven. Nor did the authorities bother to check if the snacks originated from 2 fish and five loaves of bread.

Cops were, however, able to determine that Cooper had been advertising her edibles on social media, which makes me angry because all my Facebook ads feature bootleg Colin Kaepernick T-Shirts and deals for razors through the mail. Why can’t I get Jesus-worthy weed krispy treats commercials on my timeline, Mark Zuckerberg?


The Savannah community is now safe from the drug that caused zero overdoses last year (unless you count that one dude who ate a whole dozen Krispy Kremes) thanks to the undercover work of the brave Chatham-Savannah Counter Narcotics Team.

I kinda hate this happened because there are very unconfirmed reports that the two women were in talks to join the church, in which case, I was really looking forward to next month’s communion after the pastor told the church that it must’ve been that OG Kush that had Moses talking to the burning bush.


The agents determined that Pressley was not involved in the church sales, but they still locked her up because ... Well, they didn’t say. Maybe Pressley broke some kind of law when Ebony Cooper turned to her neighbor and said: “Weed is good, all the time,” to which Leah Pressley was constitutionally obligated to say:

“And all the time, weed is good.”

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.



Yeah, but have y’all ever seen someone catch the Holy Ghost...on weed?