ABC: Fires in Southwest 'Like a War Zone'; People in Gaza: "Define 'War Zone' Exactly."

USAT: BHO: "Hey America, Remember that $83B I Didn't Want Bush to Use for Iraq? I'ma Need that Right Quick…"

LAT: License to Il: Kim Jong Spends $0 Campaigning, Keeps Job Anyway

NYT: Standoff with Pirates Shows US Has Limits; So Do Vietnam, Current Recession

CNN: Pittsburgh Cop Killer 'May Have Been' White Supremacist; He's Alive, So Let's Assume He Still Is

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BG: Prez Urges Americans to Refinance Mortgages; America: "Uh…You First"

WP: CDC: Food Safety Efforts Have Stalled in Recent Years But Your iPhone Has Totally Sick Apps

THR: Dutch TV Show Exonerates Bin Laden; Osama Sends Mix Tape Asking "Why You Tryna Steal My Shine, B?"

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ESPN: Hi, USC? This is the NCAA. We Suspect Reggie Bush of Wrong Doing. No; We Don't Mean that Lateral.

HP: Arizona State Thinks Obama Unready for Honorary Degree. Arizona State. A-R-I-Z-O-N-A S-T-A-T-E.

AP: Deadliest Attacks on US Troops Since '08

NYT: Capt. Recaptured Trying to Flee Pirates

BBC: Obama Sees 'Hope' for Economy Especially Since He's Paid Either Way

ND: RT @God: Church Puts Passion of Christ on Twitter

AP: Cops Shoot a Black Man on His Porch; Buzz Sure Perfectly Good Explanation Forthcoming

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AJE: GM To Get Mollywhooped Again: US Courts Allow Apartheid Cases

MM:"CBC: Congressional Boot Lickers"; Buzz: "Daaaaaaang"

ESPN: At Augusta, a Tiger Lurks…

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