There were three ways to a Trump victory in November:
Suggested Reading
A global pandemic that forces everyone in the house; a refusal to fund the Postal Service, which will surely affect mail-in voting; and a third-party candidate who surely has no chance at winning but will fuck up the election.
The first one is life. The second is clearly the president’s doing, as he told members of Congress that he won’t approve any coronavirus proposals that include funding the Postal Service unless they hike prices; and the last ingredient in the “We About to Be Fucked” smoothie is all Justin Amash.
Fuck this guy. And I wish that I could further convey my contempt and utter annoyance for the former Republican-turned-Independent who just announced an exploratory committee, the first sign that he’s seriously considering making a run for president. First off, he doesn’t have a shot in hell at winning anything as a third: not a three-legged race, not a three-way phone call, not even a pair of Third Eye Blind tickets. In fact, he’s so fucked that Ross Perot, the spitfire third-party candidate who couldn’t stop running for president, is trending on Twitter.
To date, the most successful independent presidential candidate was George Wallace, who ran for the American Independent Party in 1968 and won Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi and 45 electoral votes. And he didn’t even plan on winning the election; he ran only to muck up the process hoping that his involvement would lead to no candidate winning the election, pushing the whole thing to the House of Representatives where he could curry favor. It didn’t work. This was the most successful third-party candidate in American history—and all he even wanted to do was just fuck things up.
So Amash, the congressman from Michigan can go fuck himself with his presidential candidacy consideration announcement Tuesday and his look at a longshot attempt to win the White House as a Libertarian.
“Americans are ready for practical approaches based in humility and trust of the people,” he said in his announcement, launched on his website ‘gofuckyourselfJustinAmash.com’.
“We’re ready for a presidency that will restore respect for our Constitution and bring people together. I’m excited and honored to be taking these first steps toward serving Americans of every background as president.”
Apparently, Amash has been talking about this for some time, as CNN reports that earlier this month he was reported as saying he was looking “closely” at a bid. Then, “two weeks ago he said in a statement that he stopped actively campaigning for his House seat in mid-February while he considered jumping into the presidential race,” CNN reports.
Looks like Amash was facing an uphill battle to retain his seat in Michigan’s 3rd District, so he decided to fuck up America’s chances to get Trump out of office by pondering a run for president. Only white people ponder and it’s time to shut Amash’s pondering down.
From CNN:
If he is to run in the general election for president, Amash will have to win the Libertarian Party’s nomination at their convention in Austin, Texas, which is currently set for the end of May. That timing could change depending on the coronavirus pandemic.
While it is very unlikely a third-party candidate could win the presidency, a high-profile third-party contender has the potential to reshape the race. In 2016, Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson, a former governor of New Mexico, was on the ballot in every state and won a little over 3% of the national vote.
Whether a strong Amash showing on Election Day could hurt the Republican candidate or the Democratic candidate more remains unclear.
President Donald Trump has continually earned high approval ratings among the overwhelming majority of self-identified Republicans throughout his presidency, but Amash could win support among traditionally Republican or conservative voters who are dissatisfied with Trump. He could also appeal to progressive voters who are unhappy with Joe Biden’s candidacy and agree with Amash on issues like civil liberties and foreign policy.
Let’s be clear about this: Some Republicans may hate Trump but not enough to vote for a turncoat who left their party to become Independent. It’s not how they roll. And secondly, this is only going to hurt Joe Biden’s chances at winning the White House. And I’m no Biden fan, either; he’s just the lesser of the three idiots we’re talking about.
Amash voted for Trump’s impeachment and bounced from the Republican party on July 4, 2019. He had this to say before chucking the GOP the deuces:
“The Republican Party, I believed, stood for limited government, economic freedom and individual liberty—principles that had made the American Dream possible for my family,” he wrote in a Washington Post op-ed. “In recent years, though, I’ve become disenchanted with party politics and frightened by what I see from it. The two-party system has evolved into an existential threat to American principles and institutions.”
Amash has told reporters he would only run for president if he can see a path to victory, and there isn’t, so he shouldn’t even think about it.
“Now, is it possible for anyone to shake it up and make a difference? I don’t know.”
I do and now is not the time. He needs to Amash the fuck out of this idea.
Straight From 
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.