Dear White People Who Believe They're Victims Of Racial Oppression: You Are Wrong and You Are Dumb

Do y’all remember that time some Africans sailed across the Atlantic Ocean and found a bunch of people living on some continents and got friendly with them and then decided, “Oh, y’all cool but do you mind, we’re going to kill you now and steal your land. Ok thanks?” But then they were like, “well now we need people to work this land cuz I got damn sure ain’t gonna do it?”

And so on their way to Iceland to probably steal more shit, they landed in Europe and were like “we’ll kidnap these strapping British and Scottish people they seem jovial they won’t care.” And then some greedy ass Africans decided to make a whole trade thing out of it with a few trifling ass Europeans. So Africans sold Europeans some guns and rice so they could make hella jollof and fight amongst themselves and, in exchange, got a shit ton of European people in the deal. And then Africans forced those Europeans to work for free in the stolen New World and they set up a whole economic system based on brutalizing millions of European people. And then they made shit up—we’ll call it black supremacy— to justify the whole ordeal.

And then after a war that freed these Europeans, Africans just couldn’t relinquish a fraction of the overwhelming amount of power they accumulated. So they segregated the shit out of everything to keep anything good to themselves and make Europeans’ lives as inconvenient as possible.

And then a brave little white girl, named Ruby Bridges, chose to fight against said segregation. So her trill ass showed up at a school full of African kids and soldiered through crowds of their dusty ass moms who tried to make her life a living hell. But lil trill Ruby showed up every day like a boss.

Do y’all remember this? Can someone please refresh my memory? BECAUSE I SURELY DON’T RECALL WHY OPPRESSIVE ASS WHITE PEOPLE STAY THINKING THEY’RE VICTIMS WHEN HISTORY SHOWS THE COMPLETE FUCKING OPPOSITE.

In yet another example of White people’s fauxpression, after super rich evil lady Betsy DeVos was blocked from entering a public school that she likely wants to destroy, some basic White dude was inspired to recreate Norman Rockwell’s iconic painting of Ruby Bridges desegregating her Louisiana elementary school and came up with this fuckery:

And I have questions. First of all, when did Betsy DeVos become a dwarf?

Ok. I really don’t have any other questions, because when it comes to backwards as fuck White people, I already know the answers.

This artist’s stunt is just another in a long line of White people’s beliefs they are victims of big, bad, brown people while brutalizing said brown people. It’s how we end up with aggressive, deadly police officers consistently convincing grand juries and judges that they were justified in killing unarmed Black men and women. It’s the creation of the KKK during Reconstruction. It’s Trump’s presidency, bolstered almost entirely by White people who benefited from Barack Obama believing they were victimized by Barack Obama. It’s the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, a man deeply rooted in love and nonviolence yet targeted as a threat by the federal government. It’s Abigail Fisher and the scores of White conservatives rallying behind her mediocrity to protest imaginary Black people stealing her unearned spot at UT Austin. It’s how studies can show that white Americans, when faced with evidence of their privilege, dig even deeper into the myth that they are mistreated.

A fundamental requirement of being a racist person is to be as delusional as possible. You cannot believe an entire group of people has negative qualities unless you’re detached from reality. White people’s perpetuation of victimization would be laughable if it didn’t have such extreme consequences for those who live in a real world in which White supremacy and White delusion regularly oppress the lives of Black and brown people .

And many of us know their delusion exists, and we just stopped giving any fucks about them. Like Rihanna at the Grammys, we’ve been relishing in our fuck deficiency and sipping brown likka from our diamond encrusted flask, but keeping one eye open in case something pops off.

But between White conservatives getting real buck with their explicit racism over the last few months and the televised robbery of Beyoncé, my fucks have been reupped. My fuck cup has runneth over, and it will nourish me for at least the next six months, if not all 2017.

So I’m giving y’all a heads up now, if one of these headass, fauxpressed white people as much as says hi in my general direction, I will ATL stomp all over one of their raw Trump steaks, milly rock on the steak mash, and throw the steak mash at their head while reciting the Black Panther Party 10 Point Program. In a country that spreads White victimhood in our faces with as much force as it spreads white supremacy, this is the least I could do.