Shall we begin?
I mean, sure; the fact that their team doctors punctured their own starting quarterback’s lung earlier this season might’ve been a dead giveaway, but after Drew Lock threw a touchdown to KJ Hamler in the final seconds of Sunday’s game to secure a gut-wrenching 31-30 victory, I can confirm that yes, the Chargers are indeed cursed.
With Sunday’s loss, L.A.’s other team dropped to 2-5 on the season, last in their division and secured their place in football lore by becoming the first team in NFL history to blow leads of 16 or more points in four straight games. (A 17 point lead against the Tampa Tom Bradys, a 17 point lead against Drew Brees and ‘nem, a 16 point lead against the Jaguars and a 21 point lead against the Broncos.)
Justin Herbert is the truth though, so at least there’s some glimmer of hope that this team will be respectable by at least 2047.
Don’t let Chicago’s record fool you: this team is still very much trash. When your defense is putting up more points than your offense, you know you have real problems. It also doesn’t help that their offensive line is playing like they have a vendetta against Nick Foles. And yes, Foles is a Super Bowl champ (sorry, Mr. Wentz; it is what it is), but is he really the dude you want throwing anything from the pocket? Nope. And their best bet isn’t Mitch Trubisky either, it’s Javon Wims.
Did you not see Wims’ excellent form and technique on full display on Sunday? His precise footwork? His touch? Sure, he stared down his “receiver,” but look at this beautiful bomb he threw in the third quarter against the Saints.
I will never in life understand why you would punch somebody with a helmet on (that shit has to hurt), but all jokes aside, what in the hell happened here?
Apparently Chauncey Gardner-Johnson (history has taught us repeatedly to never trust any nigga named Chauncey) face-poked Wims’ teammate Anthony Miller, and prior to getting clocked, Gardner-Johnson also yanked off Wims’ mouthpiece and spit on him.
So by my calculations, homie had those raging fists of fury coming.
And of course, Wims was ejected and the Bears would go on to lose 26-23. But the downside is that the Bears can’t even announce Wims as their starting quarterback next week because there’s a 178 percent chance his ass will be suspended. You hate to see it.
The Vikings missed the memo that they were supposed to lose on Sunday to Green Bay. I’m sure it was a real possibility at some point, but once Dalvin Cook happened, the curtains just kinda closed themselves.
Not only did he score a touchdown during each of Minnesota’s first four offensive drives, but of Minnesota’s 324 scrimmage yards, Cook was responsible for 226 of them. He finished with 163 rushing yards, 3 rushing TDs and 63 yards in the air with another receiving TD.
Simply put, the dude was ballin’ and the Packers never stood a chance.
“Anytime you score four touchdowns you deserve some credit,” Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins told reporters after the game. “Just a great player, dynamic player; we’re always trying to find ways to get him the football.”
The Vikings (2-5) were on a two-game skid prior to snatching the soul out of Aaron Rodgers and hopefully, this win puts the team back on track.
“It felt great. This was my first win at Lambeau, and that’s most important,” Cook said. “Getting my team back on track and getting the team back where it needs to be at. We work so hard every day, limitless hours that nobody knows.
“And losing doesn’t feel good. So, getting the win today was most important for me. The stats are a plus and they come with a great performance, but winning is first for me.”
Now, I wholeheartedly agree and I’m gonna let you finish, Dalvin, but can we please talk about how insane of a game you had? Can we? Please?
Cook became one of three players since 1950 with four scrimmage TDs in a game versus Green Bay (Others: CAR RB DeAngelo Williams  & CHI QB Bobby Douglass ) and one of three Vikings with four scrimmage TDs in a game since 1950 (Others: WR Ahmad Rashad  & RB Chuck Foreman ).
Sunday’s win marked the first time in Cook’s career he earned three rushing TDs in a game. He is the first player with three or more rushing scores against Green Bay since Washington RB Robert Kelley (3) in 2016 (1,442 days ago) and joined RB Chuck Foreman (Week 1, 1974) as the only Vikings with three rushing TDs in a single game against the Packers.
Sheesh. Shoutout to the Vikings for cutting that check.
D.K. Metcalf continues to look like a man against boys. But aside from Patrick Mahomes dropping over 400 yards and 5 touchdowns on the Jets during a gory 35-9 mercy killing, did you see this shit!?!!?!?!?!
Mahomes is really out here throwing no-look dimes like Magic Johnson. What the fuck, man. Dude is hell-bent on revolutionizing the sport like Steph Curry.
See you next week.