Dale Earnhardt Jr. Earns Provisional Invitation to the Cookout

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A few years ago I bought a house in Darlington, S.C., a town so small that there was nothing there but a gas station, a McDonald’s, a Huddle House (a bootleg, better-tasting Waffle House—fight me) and the Darlington Raceway, a 58,000-seat NASCAR track. I was shocked to see people the same color as me wearing Dale Earnhardt Jr. shirts. Apparently, black people love Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Now I know why.

On Monday, NASCAR warned its drivers and participants not to support the protests against racial injustice during the playing of the national anthem. The organization feels the demonstrations are too divisive, though it apparently has no problem with the Confederate flag—a symbol of white supremacy that explicitly sought to divide the nation.


When the blowhard, “both sides” bullshit artist who called black mothers “bitches” heard about the NASCAR declaration, he, Donald J. Trump, tweeted:

However, in response to the proclamation, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. became the first white person to break both white and Black Twitter when he tweeted out a response to NASCAR and U Bum:


And Black Twitter was like:


Dale Earnhardt Jr. solidified his status in the “cool-ass white dude” Hall of Fame. You know what I’m talking about. There are a certain, few white people who do not paint themselves as social-justice warriors or “allies.” They are just decent human beings.

White people inevitably took issue with Earnhardt on white Twitter. They came with the same “Stay in your lane” argument they used regarding NFL protest starter Colin Kaepernick, which is ironic, since Earnhardt—perhaps more than anyone in the world—is uniquely qualified to switch lanes whenever he chooses.


Meanwhile, Black Twitter extended a hand to Earnhardt and shamed his detractors in its usual, savage fashion:


Kudos to Dale Earnhardt Jr. But if you come to the cookout, please don’t bring a dish. You should just know that when we run out of ice or aluminum foil (and trust me, we will) ... you’ll definitely be the one asked to drive to the store.

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Michael Harriot

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.