Photo: iStock

A Wisconsin political candidate who has been involved with numerous restraining orders and accusations of harassment now claims that racist and annoying text messages attributed to her were actually sent by an imaginary pal who she apparently inadvertently added to her Invisible Friends and Fucked-Up Family cell phone plan.

Christina Seaman is running for alderman—essentially a city council seat—in Racine, Wisc. According to the Journal-Times, the retail worker is facing off against Natalia Taft, an assistant biology professor and city employee, so it seems like Christina has a tough job ahead of her. Plus her last name is Seaman, which probably hindered her from doing things like making out in public or playing tough defense on the high school basketball team. No one wants Seaman all over them.

To close this electoral gap, on February 2, someone calling themselves “Breanna,” sent a mass text out to voters asking them to vote for Seaman. One of the text recipients, Beth Pramme, decided to engage this mysterious texter who claimed to be a friend of Seaman’s who was reaching out to voters without Seaman’s knowledge. Apparently, Breanna really liked Seaman.

Pramme asked Breanna why she thought it was appropriate to text her phone, explaining that it was “creepy,” according to screenshots obtained by The Root. When Pramme asked the text messenger how she got the list, Breanna claimed that she split the costs of a voter registration database between her, and Seaman’s opponent, Taft. Breanna even texted a picture of her opponent Taft, explaining that “she had a lot of corrupt politicians backing her.” There was just one problem with this.

Beth Pramme was a friend of Natalia Taft.

Pramme knew that Breanna was lying, so she filed a complaint against Seaman’s campaign for allowing Breanna to purchase yard signs, contact voters, and campaign on her behalf, as Breanna claimed in the text conversation. But when Pramme did a reverse phone lookup, the number that sent the texts came back registered to Christina Seaman. In fact, no one—friends, neighbors, Romans, countrymen—seems to have ever met they mysterious invisible Breanna.

Advertisement

The Journal-Times writes:

In an interview with The Journal Times on Feb. 17, two days before the primary, Seaman said she was not the person who texted, saying that she was at her home with someone named Breanna when some of the Feb. 2 texts were sent. She told a Journal Times reporter she is friends with Breanna, although a separate Facebook comment coming from an account named Christina Seaman said, “Breanna is my friend’s daughter.”

When asked, Seaman declined to share Breanna’s last name.

Seaman provided a personal cell phone number for Breanna to The Journal Times. A reporter who called the number was greeted with an automated message that said the phone does not accept incoming calls.

Advertisement

If all this sounds like innocent shenanigans in the rough-and-tumble world of northeastern Wisconsin politricks that we hear about so often, just wait until you get a load of Seaman’s next move.

The same phone number that sent the creepy text messages to Beth Pramme also sent a few messages to Angelo Selmon. This person also called themselves Breanna. But this time, Breanna didn’t want Angelo to vote for Seaman. She wanted Selmon to shut the hell up.

“Hi new neighbors,” read the first text to Selmon. “I can hear your music inside my home please be respectful of all your neighbors. If I continue to hear it I will contact the police and block captains.”

Advertisement

When Selmon, who is black, asked who sent him the message, the person responded: “Breanna your neighbor to the north.”

Guess who’s Selmon’s northern neighbor? (Here’s a hint: It rhymes with “semen.”)

Selmon responded that he wasn’t playing loud music, adding: “Second of all, I own this house, not you” and told Breanna to stay in her place (He really should have said “lane” but its Wisconsin, so... I guess “place” is acceptable).

Advertisement

Invisible Breanna responded by calling Selmon a “fucking piece of shit neighbor” and explaining that she lived in a quiet neighborhood and “don’t need a ghetto shit like you.”

You can feel it approaching, can’t you? When a white person calls you a “piece of shit,” you know the n-word is coming. When Selmon laughed at the text, of course, Seaman sprayed it everywhere.

“Yes, you are ghetto,” Breanna wrote. “You are a nigger. From drugs. My house is paid for asshole.”

Advertisement

A few minutes later, the police showed up but found nothing illegal. The captain of the neighborhood watch later told the Times-Journal that Seaman admitted that she was the one who called the police.

But that’s not all.

According to court documents, at least three people have sought restraining orders against Seaman in the last five years. One lady says Seaman drugged her. Another claims that Seaman harassed her on the phone for months, and yet another claims that Seaman repeatedly blamed her for getting Seaman’s then-boyfriend arrested.

Advertisement

Seaman has denied most of these claims and said this is all Breanna’s fault even though she won’t share Breanna’s last name or phone number. Seaman would likely deny the rest if anyone could find her. Her neighborhood watch captain said he can’t find her. She has shut down her Facebook page. She ditched a scheduled interview with the Times Journal. When the paper stopped by her house to talk, she couldn’t be found.

Even worse, no one has heard from Breanna.

The election is on April 2 and I don’t know who will emerge victorious. After all these shenanigans, the only thing we know is this:

This Seaman sure is hard to swallow.