In case you’ve been living under a Chick-fil-A, Popeyes ushered in the apocalypse with its latest creation: a tender all-white meat chicken breast fillet baptized in the blood of Jesus, slathered with the Holy Spirit, then served with a complimentary side of Luther Vandross’ vocal cords.
But after weeks of insanely long lines, fistfights and over $23 million in free marketing from Black Twitter, Popeyes has officially waved the white flag and declared a state of emergency.
We now live in a world without a sane president, In Living Color or our beloved chicken sandwich all because you greedy bastards were hell-bent on committing chicken-fried genocide. So with Popeyes stripped of its most valuable resource, our only hope for salvation is either eBay or Quavo.
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As a result of what will go down in history as “The Chickening,” people are less than pleased and have aired out their grievances on social media:
Still, others welcome the shortage of breaded chicken breasts and brioche buns:
No word yet on when the chicken sandwich will make its triumphant return, but Popeyes released the following statement to remind us all that if we can wait for Jesus to walk the Earth once more, we can wait for a damn sandwich.