Black TikTok – and every other corner of social media we occupy – has turned into a battleground over this drawn-out debate: Are coffee meetups an acceptable first date?
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The debate was sparked once again after a woman shared her story about being approached for a coffee date, and the internet has been firing off its opinions ever since. Some see it as a casual, no-pressure way to get to know someone, while others criticize it as cheap, lazy, and completely low-effort. First, it was the Cheesecake Factory, and now this.
So, if you prefer tea over coffee…grab your mug because it’s plenty to spill.
In case you missed the online hoopla, Ashleiwithani, a plus-size TikTok creator, shared her recent coffee date request. “A man politely asked me out on a coffee date and I politely told him no, then I bought myself some McAlister’s,” she revealed in the now-viral TikTok video. She even broke down her $25 meal before she made it clear that her dating preferences are not up for discussion: “Now, I’m not going to argue with you on how you like to date, just like how I don’t want you to argue with me about how I like to date.”
She ended her thoughts by simply stating, “But coffee is never going to be an option for me. And just like I respect your choice to coffee, respect my choice not to coffee.” Girl, you ate that.
The video caused a tidal wave of reactions. “I came here to agree with you because it’s a hell no for me as well,” one TikTok user commented. Another added, “Exactly, who the hell is going through all that trouble of looking good, being a coffee shop for hours…to talk? Puh-lease!!” Even McAlister’s Deli chimed in with a simple, “Period!”
While many clapped for the beautiful creator’s blunt honesty, others weren’t on the same page.
Opposing voices, such as Baethovan, argued that rejecting coffee dates is exactly why women remain single: “The lady that recently sparked that coffee date conversation…she’d be lucky if anybody ask her for directions, but now you don’t do coffee dates?”
Others are echoing a similar sentiment that larger women don’t need to be picky.
“It’s crazy how all the girls that I see complain about coffee dates are big women. What the hell is going on?” CMartyfits said in a separate video. “Y’all going on too many caloric surplus dates, y’all need to go on an active date. He went on to suggest alternatives like outdoor activities, even suggesting the gym.
Social media influencer Ike Slimster also weighed in while coffee was in hand. “I hate to be that guy, but I’m a strong believer that people who hate coffee dates are usually terrible conversationalists,” he said. “I don’t make the rules.”
Conversation spilled over to other platforms with one Threads user, posting “Coffee date this coffee date that. Are you even fun?. Another chimed in saying, “If they’re complaining about a coffee date, no, not at all.”
Countless creators shared that coffee dates are supposed to be low-effort, but others believe that one should strive to receive more. “Ashlei, you ain’t wrong,” TikTok creator TheGre8tkellen said in a stitched video. “And the reason you are not wrong is because you set a standard for yourself, that’s why you’re not wrong.”
He goes on to explain how more women need to be more like Ashlei and set a higher standard for themselves. “You don’t deserve coffee, you deserve champagne, you don’t deserve coffee, you deserve caviar, and if more women thought like Ashlei, they might be in better situations,” he said, ending the video with a mic-drop moment: “Set the bar high, have a caviar standard, darling.”
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