I owe my deepest apology to Mary Jane Paul. Hear me out. I rode her case all season about being an insufferable woman screwing up a good thing with the oh-so-perfect Sheldon. M.J. is many things, but dishonest is not one of them. Sheldon knew that M.J. wanted a baby. He saw it on TV, for heaven’s sake. Yet he led her into a dead-end relationship. Classic douchebaggery move.
We saw CNN’s Don Lemon lecture M.J. on “becoming the story” versus reporting facts, and M.J. basking in her newfound fame from calling a white woman an “ugly black woman.” Women are cheering her on outside her job. You know you’ve made it when there’s an Auto-Tune YouTube remix dedicated to your now-viral quote.
The network is using M.J. and Kara to push Cynthia out of prime time. The folks there are smart enough to know it, but M.J. isn’t sold on the offer because she’s been told to rein in the “all-black everything” content. Kara is ecstatic because the dynamic duo’s dream has always been to move to prime time.
Sheldon decks out his crib with candles, Moroccan food and slow jams. M.J. calls it corny, which leads Sheldon to potentially never talk to her again. Back at M.J.’s house, Mark breaks down how much of an epic fail her comment was. He advises her to apologize to Sheldon ASAP.
Kara flies to New York for a family emergency. Her dad wants to sell the house they’ve had for over 40 years, and her mom refuses. Unfortunately, Daddy has already signed over the deed. They will eventually lose their home, but Kara will pay the rent payments to delay her parents’ move so that her mother doesn’t find out.
M.J.’s apology text to Sheldon is met with a dry “thank you” a whole 24 hours later. M.J. pops up at the man’s house because the two-word text drove her crazy. Sheldon says he wasn’t sure if she’d ever hear from him again because he was that upset. He’s not too upset to let her come back over after her alarm goes off, leaving her too frightened to stay home alone.
M.J. and Sheldon still haven’t had sex. When she tries to get sexy or invite him into bed with her, he brushes her off. Over breakfast, Sheldon expresses his concern for her safety, to which M.J. bluntly asks, “Are we in a relationship?” They are. Who knows if he was ever going to let her know that minor detail?
Val calls to tell M.J. that David’s dog died. Sheldon advises her to call her ex.
Family dinner is turnt. It’s a celebration for P.J., who has completed three years of architecture school and received a job offer in Los Angeles. Lisa is there because she picked up the cake. And it’s awkward as all hell.
M.J. has gotten mad comfortable at Sheldon’s place. A little too comfortable, for his tastes. (How’d she get past the security gate? She watched his driver punch in the code.) Within five minutes, he’s moving her purse and pumps to a more appropriate place. And for the second time, he has thrown away her toothbrush, so she asks him what’s up. He’s over 50, set in his ways and likes things a certain way.
M.J. doesn’t give a damn about any of that. He drops a mega-bomb on her about not believing in cohabitation and not desiring marriage or kids. M.J. is pissed, considering that this man knew she wanted a baby.
He gives her a speech about needing to keep his individuality. He offers her the opportunity to one day have two separate condos on the same floor. (I’ll take—and M.J. took—“Hell no” for $500, Alex.) Then he said, “Given your history with men, you know I’ll be the best offer you’ll get.” On her way out the door, she lets him know that she’ll never settle.
It’s always the “nice, quiet” ones. Always.
M.J. leaves David a message about his dog. Lisa one-ups her childhood bestie by stopping by David’s in a short, curve-hugging dress to cook lasagna, wash dishes and listen to him talk about Anna.
Sheldon calls to apologize. M.J. is mature about it because she has realized that even if marriage and kids aren’t in the cards, she knows she damn sure wants to wake up next to someone every morning who doesn’t throw out her toothbrush. They say final goodbyes again.
David’s phone dials M.J. as she’s driving her nice Porsche. The problem is that Lisa is confessing her love for David, saying how she performed oral sex on him and loaned him $50,000 to start his business. M.J. hears the entire conversation. The two realize that M.J. is on the phone after hearing a loud horn honking. M.J. is so distraught that she has a head-on collision with another car.
M.J. will be fine because there has to be a season 3. But Lisa? Oh, Lisa has to catch the fade on sight. A lot of times, Mary Jane Paul has a habit of getting in her own way. But sometimes the chick just can’t catch a break.