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Trump Administration Reinstates Death Penalty, Schedules Five Executions
Warning: This article does not use euphemisms to refer to the federal government’s killing policies. After more than a decade without an execution, the attorney general—who previously played the role of Peter Griffin on Family Guy—announced that the federal government will start killing people once again, ordering five men to the execution chamber as Donald…
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Trump Gives Speech in Front of Altered Presidential Seal Featuring Golf Clubs and ‘45 Is a Puppet’
Donald Trump’s recent appearance in front of the racially-problematic right-wing organization that gave us Candace Owens, Blexit and the MAGA Yeezy fashion line turned into the funniest speech he’s ever given after keen-eyed observers noticed that the president’s backdrop was a graphic depicting everything wrong with Putin’s Executive in Charge of U.S. Operations. On Tuesday,…
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Man Climbs 15 Stories to Save Mother From Burning Building
Warning: The content of this story may cause eye sweating or the temporary loss of tear duct fluid. In West Philadelphia born and raised, playing Spiderman is where a man known only as Jermaine apparently spent most of his days after he was caught on camera climbing 200 feet during a courageous rescue attempt and…
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Trump Offers to 'Vouch' For A$AP Rocky, Swedish PM Offers Trump Choice of Several Seats
President Donald Trump was shocked to discover that there is no international exchange rate for white privilege when the Prime Minister of Sweden declined Trump’s offer to “personally vouch” for jailed rapper A$AP Rocky. Trump was pretty sure that he could extend his personal immunity to the law to A$AP Rocky, who has been imprisoned…
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Hate Thy Neighbor: Man Allegedly Sent Hallmark Cards Threatening to Shoot ‘Minorities’ Who Move Into His Neighborhood
Authorities charged a California man with hate crimes upon finding a cache of weapons and ammunition in his home, after he was accused of sending threatening greeting cards to his non-white neighbors. On June 30, police in San Luis Obispo, Calif, arrested the future star of a Dateline NBC episode, 62-year-old Richard Vincent Orcutt, after…
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A Police Chief Was ‘Concerned’ About How His Department Handled Police Shootings, So He Kept It a Secret
A Kansas police chief said that he was so concerned that his department was “contaminating” police shooting probes that he took several steps to address the issue, including continuing to employ allegedly corrupt officers, keeping broken policies in place and—most importantly—keeping all of this a secret. According to the Associated Press, newly filed documents in…
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Murder Victim’s Sons Attack Their Mother’s Killer in Court
In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by three separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders and the victims’ family, who often wish they could offer a can of whoop-ass to the defendant. This is their story. Two Ohio men furnished the plot…
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Kamala Harris Proposes $100 Billion Black Homeownership Plan
Joining what seems like every black woman in America at Essence Fest, senator and presidential hopeful Kamala Harris unveiled a $100 billion plan to increase black homeownership that, if implemented, could serve as a major step toward closing the racial wealth gap or at least pay two or three months rent on a modest one-bedroom…
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Starbucks Apologizes for Making Cops Leave Because Customer ‘Did Not Feel Safe’
On rare occasions, the cyclical nature of the universe creates a situation where yin meets yang, the sowers of havoc must reap the fruits of their nefarious harvest and the dispensers of bitter pills finally get a taste of their own medicine. Or, as the great educator, philosopher, and vegan animal rights activist Bugs Bunny…
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Chris Matthews Asked Kamala Harris to Explain Why She Doesn't Hate White People. Here's the Answer [Corrected]
Shortly after Sen. Kamala Harris (D-CA) finished her cool-down exercises after forcing the former Pinky to Barack Obama’s Brain into submission with a Rear Naked Chokehold before a live television audience, she sat down with chronic interrupter and MSNBC pundit Chris Matthews to explain how she acquired the can of whoop-ass she opened and poured…
