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Why You're Trash-Ass Trash If You Use Negro Bed Wench As An Insult, Explained
What is a Negro Bed Wench? Many things! A reliable hotep identifier. An ash magnet, as anyone who says it immediately becomes engulfed in a shroud of ash, like a chimney sweep with sentience. A valuable source of time efficiency, as hearing those three words in succession lets you know you don’t ever have to listen to…
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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 33. Drinking Room Temperature Water
If you happen upon a group of Bougie Black People in the wild — organizing Trap Kayaking trips or attempting to convince people they’ve “been on SZA since See.SZA.Run” — and you truly wanted to engage them in conversation, ask them about when they discovered that fruit juices and sodas were evil, and listen to them…
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My Day In Memphis With President Obama's My Brother's Keeper Alliance
While riding in an Uber last week — traveling from Memphis International Airport to the hotel I was staying in — I asked the driver if she, a 60-something Black woman and life-long Memphian, had any recommendations on which BBQ joints I should sample during my short stay in town. To my dismay, she suggested Rendezvous…
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The 10 Blackest Moments From A BET Awards Show I Only Watched An Hour Of Because It Was Long As Shit And I'm Old
Full disclosure. This will not be a recap of the entire show. Because I did not watch the entire show. Because I’m old as fuck and took a nap at 8pm and woke up at like 10pm. Because old ass niggas take evening naps. And then for the first few moments of watching the awards,…
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Prodigy Lived His Entire Life In Pain, And I Hope He Finally Has The Peace His Music Gave Me
My junior year of high school, I’d grown so self-conscious about the size and shape of my head that the mere thought of the bus rides to and from school and to and from basketball games induced anxiety and dread in me. Those bus rides were prime opportunities for “ripping sessions.” And despite my status as…
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Five Perfectly Practical Reasons Why Y'all Need To Stop Inviting Every Random-Ass White Person To The Cookout
Invariably, as the controversy over Bill Maher’s house nigga continues to persist, a peripheral conversation about Maher’s mythical cookout-invitee status has occurred. According to some of y’all—and by “some of y’all” I really mean “some of y’all”—Maher has done enough in his career to warrant enough of a benefit of the doubt to still score…
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Five Quick Thoughts On Bill Maher Going Peak Bill Maher (And A Quick Aside On White People And Nigga/Nigger)
This is haircut and hoop day for me, so this is going to be quick. 1. I was actually watching the show when it happened. I wasn’t watchingwatching — which’ll be clearer in #2 — but the TV was on, and it was on Real Time with Bill Maher. 2. I didn’t actually hear him…
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I'm Scared That My Hundreds Of Unanswered Emails, Facebook Messages, And Texts Will Come To Life One Day, Band Together, And Kill Me
The 100,000 word first draft of my book is due in September. (I’m currently a little over 60k.) Writing the book has caused my digital output to decrease quite a bit, but I’m still working; managing VSB, writing and editing pieces for VSB, and writing pieces for GQ, Slate, and The Root. I’m also a husband.…
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Root For LaVar Ball If You Want To, But Just Know You're Rooting For A Piece Of Shit
There’s so much to like about the idea of LaVar Ball that at times it feels like he was created in a Likable Nigga Generator. First, of course, is the fact that he’s the very involved Black dad of three star athletes, which contradicts both a stereotype about Black men and a stereotype about Black athletes.…
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Welcome To Pittsburgh, Where White People Open "90's Style Hip-Hop Fried Chicken" Spots In The Gentrified Hood
If this weren’t a real thing that was really actually happening, the concept of a 90’s style hip-hop fried chicken restaurant created by White people in the hood would make for a cute and clever Chappelle or Key & Peele skit. The owners would be the type of overzealous 90’s hip-hop fans who still rock…
