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Trump Found a White Dude Named ‘Jerome’ to Be in Charge of Our Money Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore
I’ve been in airports and on airplanes all day, dealing with shitty cellphone signals and shittier airport Wi-Fi for the last few hours, so when I finally was able to get online just now after landing in Pittsburgh, I checked Twitter to see if anything particularly newsworthy had happened while I was offline. First I…
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10 Cringeworthy Things Every Black Person Born Between 1975 and 1985 Did in Their Teens and 20s, Ranked
10. Performed spoken-word poetry that included either aggressive enunciations of “clitoris” or a line about how “justice” ain’t “just us” because it “just ain’t for us” 9. Strongly considered selling Pre-Paid Legal 8. Either had sex with Timberlands and socks still on or had sex with someone with Timberlands and socks still on 7. Believed…
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We Need a Reset Button or Something for White People
Do you remember Ruben Studdard? Of course you do! That was a rhetorical question! But just in case you don’t, Ruben won American Idol in 2003, back when that actually mattered, and then later that year released his first album, Soulful, which went platinum. Soulful’s most popular single was “Sorry 2004.” Which was a fucking…
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55 Percent of White Americans Believe Whites Face Racial Discrimination, Which Means 55 Percent of White Americans Are Really Stupid!
As Halloween nears, I’m reminded of the time 20 or so years ago when my then-7-year-old nephew spent the entire year talking about Halloween. How much candy he was going to get, how great his costume was going to be, how many houses he was going to hit—he was an unceasing stream of Halloween-related predictions,…
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10 Easy Costumes for Black People Who Aren’t Really Into Halloween Like That but Still Want to Have Fun
Requirements: A “full beard with no mustache” mask. Patchouli-marinated dashiki over some joggers and Polo boots. A white blow-up doll (your date). Absolutely, positively, no lotion. Requirements: Chinos and Sperry docksiders (if male) or whatever the fuck is in Stacey Dash’s closet (if female). Shirts, slacks and dresses limited to four colors: red, white, blue…
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Justin Timberlake Is a White Man
My favorite scene in the surprisingly rewatchable Lethal Weapon 2 involves Detective Murtaugh (Danny Glover) going to the South African Embassy in America to inquire about taking a vacation there—a conversation that serves as an elaborate ruse so that Detective Riggs (Mel Gibson) can sneak into the building and investigate and annoy the murderous Afrikaner…
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How to Talk to Women if You Believe Feminism Has Made It Really Hard to Know What Counts as ‘Harassment’
The world—already hard and damp and confusing—has gotten harder, more damp and confusing as fuck for men. Not for all men, of course. (#NotForAllMenOfCourse.) But (some) men who happen to be romantically and sexually attracted to women are now paralyzed with confusion and doubt and anxiety and fear. Because they’re forced to work with, go…
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Why I Hate Howard University’s Homecoming Weekend With Every Fiber of My Being, Explained
Editor’s note: This was originally published to The Root on Oct. 1, 2015. I think so. No. I didn’t go to Howard and I don’t live in Washington, D.C., so I don’t have the Howard homecoming dates tattooed on my chest. Well, I do have multiple friends and followers on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. And…
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30 Reasons Why Your Favorite Team Won’t Win the NBA Finals This Year
The NBA—the best professional sports league in the history of history—is back Tuesday night, with 30 teams all vying to be the one that wins the last game of the season. Here’s why none of them will. 30. Chicago Bulls Because I triple-dog dare you to name five people on their team without Googling the…
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The 15 Blackest Things About the New Trailer for Black Panther
1. The screen at the 0:00 mark right before the trailer started. I know black screens are standard before a film starts and after it ends, but this black screen was an extra, deeper black. A Maya and Amiri at the Schomburg black. I saw this black and immediately felt compelled to take a shot…
