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Days Black People Are Most Likely to Be Called the N-Word, Ranked
1. St. Patrick’s Day 2. New Year’s Eve 3. Wednesday (any) 4. Columbus Day 5. The anniversary of the O.J. Simpson verdict 6. MLK Day 7. The night of a presidential election 8. Memorial Day 9. Mardi Gras 10. Black Friday 11. Saturday (any) 12. The Fourth of July 13. The first of the month…
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When You Share Your Mess With the Public, the Public Will Share (and Talk About and Joke About) Your Mess. Duh!
During their now viral appearance on The Breakfast Club Thursday morning—and after DJ Envy pulled the greatest stunt of illogical beige rage since G Money in New Jack City—Kid Mero appeared to throw DJ Envy a bone. While admitting that husbands can (and should) be sensitive about their wives, he shared a story about chasing…
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The Creation of the Avocado Toast Cocktail Is the Whitest Thing That Has Ever Happened
My eyes have seen some pretty damn white things. I once saw a single speck of pepper on top of a presumably seasoned chicken breast placed on my plate at a white person’s wedding in 2003. When I quickly glanced into the serving tray to see if, perhaps, this single peppered breast was rogue, an…
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Why I Don’t Have Any White Friends, Explained
Huh? It was when I was 17: The Pittsburgh Zoo made this big stink about getting a polar bear—press releases and parties and polar-bear-themed brunches and shit—despite the fact that they already had perfectly fine (and strikingly handsome) black and brown bears. I saw that as a metaphor for America, and I pledged to never…
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Why Don’t We Tip Fast-Food Workers?
I didn’t know you were supposed to tip bartenders until I was 25 years old. And then, I only learned because I was tip-shamed by a woman I was dating. She saw I didn’t leave a tip on the Long Island iced teas I’d ordered for both of us (again, I was 25) and asked,…
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The Best Thing About Atlanta, the Best Show on Television
During “Sportin’ Waves,” the episode of Atlanta that aired Thursday night, Earn received a generous and unexpected payout from Darius’ puppy-related investments in season 1. Armed with this unanticipated cash, the still-homeless and aggressively underemployed Earn invests it in a gift card scheme suggested by Tracy, a recently paroled houseguest of Paperboi’s, who claims that…
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You Have to Be Perfect or Lucky (or Perfect and Lucky) to Buy a House If You’re Black
I’ve learned through age, maturity, meditation and Lisinopril to not allow myself to be bothered with certain things that might have irked me 10 or even five years ago. Basically I’m learning to give less fucks because fucklessness is a form of self-care for me. But there is (at least) one strain of conversation that…
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Experiment Proves That Conservatives Are Little Baby Snowflakes Who Act the Way They Do Because Everything Terrifies Them
The most obvious answer when attempting to find the root cause for certain Americans being so obsessed with guns is fear. These people are scared of something—irrelevance, anarchy, immigrants, black people, aliens, Black Panther Build-a-Bears—and this fear drives them to amass arsenals and fight against even the idea of any sort of restriction. They attempt…
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Betsy DeVos Is the World’s Most Useless White Woman
Of course, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is not the world’s most useless white person. That title belongs to sentient-pile-of-shredded-Monopoly-money-lining-an-albino-hamster’s-cage Jared Kushner, who has somehow managed to stay dead in the center of every Trump-related scandal despite the fact that no one knows what he does or did before whatever he’s doing now, or even what he…
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America Wasn’t Ready for Get Out’s Too Depressing (and Too Realistic) Alternate Ending. Neither Was I
A year after I first watched it—and a day after watching it again on HBO (which seems to have a networkwide mandate to show it 17 times a week now)—the part of Get Out that fucks with me the most is that after Chris discovers Rose’s collection of selfies with the black people she’s lured…
