-
Video: Kool-Aid, Lotion, Washcloths, Rihanna, and More Things We're Thankful For
While in town for The Root 100 several days ago, Panama and I were compelled to shoot a video articulating the many things we have to be thankful for. That it also happens to be Thanksgiving soon has absolutely no relevance whatsoever. We’re just two naturally thankful ass niggas. (In fact, “Thankful Ass Niggas” was…
-
Like Many Black Women, Kim Porter Was Under a Doctor's Care and Still Died. That's Terrifying
To prepare for the expected birth of our second child next month, my wife and I are enrolled in one of those new age birthing classes where the bulk of each two-hour-long session is devoted to language and connotation. (“Don’t say birthing canal. Say birthing stream, because streams are calming.”) I am bored out of…
-
Dear White People: Please Get the Fuck Out of Michelle Obama’s Pockets
There is, I believe, a conversation that could be had about an unease we (black people) might have with the Obamas’ post-White House relationship with money. And not just with money as a tangible object, but in surrounding themselves with it and being ensconced in markers and signifiers of it. The word “Obama” has crossed…
-
What Happens When You Visit The Root’s Office With Exposed (and Moderately Ashy) Ankles
I flew to New York City last Thursday for The Root 100 gala and left yesterday evening after a marketing meeting at Harper Collins for my book. In the time between, I 1) hosted a happy hour with Panama at my hotel, 2) went to karaoke after said happy hour and sang very on-brand renditions…
-
Galleys, Explained
What happened? Is what what you think you’re seeing? No, it’s not. Not yet at least. (Also, chill with the nigga chants. We don’t know each other like that. I don’t even know if you’re black.) Yes and no. Just “now?” I have time. What you’re looking at are called galleys. A galley is a…
-
Our Parents Might Not Have Known Better About Spanking. We Do
In two weeks, my daughter will be 3 years old. And then, two weeks after her birthday, if things happen when we’re expecting them to, she’ll be a big sister. This will make me, for lack of a better term, a fucking dad. I mean, I’ve been a dad already for (almost) three years. But…
-
We’re Stuck With White People
In the weeks before the midterm elections, America was rocked by three separate acts of domestic terrorism. One, which took place in my hometown, was the deadliest act of anti-semitism in American history. Another was the biggest mass assassination attempt in American history. And then there was the killing of two black people in a…
-
Petty Reasons to Vote, Ranked
10. To direct passive-aggressive subs at significant others. “Maybe SOMEONE would have got up and voted this morning if they weren’t up all night eating FLAMING HOT Cheetos and watching PORN.” 9. To flirt with elderly women at polling stations, pretending that you want phone numbers and panties when you really just want spaghetti recipes…
-
I Just Found the Most Racist Photo (and Caption) on iStock. Here's My 10 Favorite Things About It
Yesterday afternoon, while searching “black man calls police” and “calling police black person” on iStock—to find a suitable picture for “My Self-Care Sunday Story: I Called The Cops On A White Guy”—I found the above pic. There are tens of thousands of images on iStock, and I won’t pretend to have seen them all. But…
-
My Self-Care Sunday Story: I Called The Cops On A White Guy
Like most black people with a modicum of sense and a willingness to continue their streak of consecutive years lived, I regard the police with a feeling that exists at the intersection of skepticism, annoyance and trepidation. Basically, I see them the same way I see ricotta cheese—good in lasagna but might kill me if…
