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10 Things President Obama Has Not Been Accused of Being
It’s a day during a week during a year, which means we were overdue for another fun round of “President Obama is a Muslim,” the game that is basically the conservatives’ version of spades. I actually wouldn’t even be surprised if some of them had regular “President Obama is a Muslim” game nights and potlucks,…
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An Argument For Why We Need Five PTOWB (Paid Time Off While Black) Days A Year
If you’re Black and in America, there’s somewhere between a 100 percent and a 100 percent chance that the following has happened to you at least once. And somewhere between a 95 percent and 99 percent chance that it’s happened at least once this week. You’re minding your Black-ass business, living your Black-ass life. You…
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White Guy Kicks Black Guy's Ass. Cops Come. Black Guy Gets Cuffed. White Guy Gets…A Conversation
Whoever you are and whatever you happen to be doing today, if you’re alive and free and reading this, your day is better than the day the Black guy in this video had. Because I’m certain you did not… 1. Lose a fight 2. Lose a fight, run away from the person you lost the…
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Why PTOWB (Paid Time Off While Black) Needs to Happen
If you’re black and in America, there’s somewhere between a 100 percent and a 100 percent chance that the following has happened to you at least once. And somewhere between a 95 percent and 99 percent chance that it’s happened at least once this week. You’re minding your black-ass business, living your black-ass life. You…
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20 Names For "Cuffing Season" Much More Appropriate And Practical Than "Cuffing Season"
It’s kinda, sorta fall now. Which means it’s “Cuffing Season.” Which means it’s time for all the summer singles to scramble for brunch partners, bedsheet warmers, and people whose “Hey” texts you see but don’t click on for hours because you don’t want them to get a read receipt. Thing is, considering how the post-summer/pre-spring dating world actually…
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Jack Kelly Of The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Is A Fucking Disgrace, And (Probably) Needs To Get Fired
A few months ago, I published a response to a strikingly tone deaf column from Eric Heyl of the Pittsburgh Tribune Review. In it, I stated that “Neighboring districts shy away from Wilkinsburg’s forbidden fruit” (Heyl’s column) was literally the worst major newspaper column I’d ever read. I (obviously) did not mince words then, but I also held back…
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Since Drake Is Serena's Bad Luck Charm, Can He Please Do The Same With The New England Patriots?
Since the turn of the century, the New England Patriots have dominated the NFL. Granted, three other franchises (The New York Giants, The Pittsburgh Steelers, and The Baltimore Ravens) have each one two titles in that span, but no other team has been as good for as long. The Patriots are also the organizational equivalent of clitoris…
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7 Things Black Folks Haven’t Been Arrested for … Yet
What makes the choke-slam, arrest and street detainment of James Blake so remarkably telling is the fact that he is, well, remarkably unprofilable. He’s an underwear-model-ad-handsome and wholesome Harvard grad who’s a retired star in the American sport with perhaps the most affluent demographic. He was also standing in front of an upscale hotel in…
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The 10 Saltiest, Pettiest Possible Reactions To Serena Losing In The U.S. Open Semifinals
If you’re as salty as I am about Serena losing today, you’re probably looking for appropriately petty things to say to fully express your level of salt. Fortunately, I’ve taken the liberty of creating some. You’re welcome. 1. “If you’re not first, you’re last. So it don’t even matter if this chick beat Serena, cause if…
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I Write For A Living, And I Have The Shittiest Handwriting You'll Ever See, And I Don't Care
Between 10am and 10pm on Wednesday, I… …wrote 500 or so words on a rapper who calls himself “Slim Jesus”… …edited and published a piece about a guy who’s a lawyer and an aspiring rapper… …wrote up a ranking of types of pork… …wrote several hundred words about James Blake’s arrest… …wrote 700 or so…
