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President Obama's Gun Control Tears Are The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
It’s been well-documented here that President Obama is firmly and fully ensconced in the fuck devoid span of his presidency. He has nestled in his full-length no fucks futon; his bare feet stretched on his no fucks ottoman, reading perhaps How to Give No Fucks and Influence People or Chicken Soup for the Fuck-less Soul. This…
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Does Kanye West Suck At Music Now?
“Facts” — a track released by Kanye West on New Years Day — is a terrible song. Usually, when a person does what I just did (refer to a song as anything — great, bad, terrible, thirsty, etc — other than existing), this is considered an opinion. Because my feelings about the song, as valid and as…
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How #YallQaeda Is Nothing but a Big Bucket of Highly Armed White Tears, Explained
Who is this #YallQaeda you’re talking about? On Saturday, a group of anti-government militiamen—armed to the teeth and ready to fight to the death—took over the federal Malheur Wildlife Refuge after a protest in Harney County, Ore. They were apparently upset because two ranchers—Dwight Hammond Jr. and his son, Steven—had been convicted of arson. The…
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Shitfishing: The Thing No One Tells You About Getting Older Because It Would Scare The Shit Out Of You
It happened last week. I was watching my daughter and watching the Cavs game. Which means I was watching the Cavs game and my daughter was sleeping somewhere within 12 feet of me. And midway through the second quarter, I felt some gas. Which was expected, because I had a milkshake earlier and I’m lactose intolerant and…
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A Summary Of VSB's Very Good But Not Quite As Good As We Want It To Be Yet Year
Happy New Year and shit, everyone! If you’re reading this, you’ve made it to 2016 (congrats!) and you’ve decided, for whatever reason, to spend at least one second of this year reading VSB. So thanks for that. Since you’re here, I might as well let you know that 2015 was, by every measure, the best…
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As Someone Raised on Bill Cosby, I Feel No Joy in Writing About His Alleged Crimes
My parents forced me to have a crush on Rudy Huxtable. Now, I realize how that might read. I can imagine people picturing a dictatorial and deranged mother and father tying an 8-year-old me to a chair when The Cosby Show came on and forcing me to chant, “I will crush on Rudy Huxtable” while…
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You Have My Permission To Shin Kick Anyone Who Says "Cosby Is A Distraction From Tamir Rice"
Earlier today, news broke that Bill Cosby would face criminal charges for allegedly drugging and sexually assaulting Andrea Constand — one of the 50 or so women (this number will never not be outrageous, btw) who have accused him of sexual abuse. Earlier this week, news broke that Timothy Loehmann — the Cleveland police officer who…
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On Being a New Parent When News Like Tamir Rice Hits
Invariably, among the countless words and rants and tweets and think pieces and blogs and status messages and emails and texts generated whenever another news story breaks about a police-involved killing of a young black person, are the words from parents. Mothers and fathers of black babies, of black boys and girls, of black teenagers…
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Tamir Rice Was 12 Years Old
I was in the lobby of the Ace — a boutique hotel that opened its doors this month in East Liberty (the Pittsburgh neighborhood I grew up in) — meeting with activist and educator Liana Maneese. We were meeting to discuss her new project — Adopting Identity, which is described on its website as “a movement that…
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Who Won 2015?
2015 is almost over, which means its time to make forced assessments and half-assed evaluations of the past year. Because no year is complete without an arbitrarily crafted review of it. We will all die today if I don’t write up a summary of 2015 and if you don’t read that summary. Seriously. We will all…
