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Debate Steel Cage Match: Elizabeth Warren Came to Slay, Michael Bloomberg Died Inside and Amy Klobuchar Almost Cried
On a cold night where all former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg wanted was a sandwich from Subway, he was attacked and beaten by two women and two men who police say were all wearing suits. If Wednesday night’s democratic debate was supposed to be a civil engagement of ideas, it turned into an…
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Black Folks Who Need to be Pardoned to Offset Trump’s White Clemency Spree
On Tuesday, President Trump went on a pardoning spree and granted clemency to 11 convicted criminals. And I’m not mad at him. Look, every president does it. But they usually take the sucker’s route and wait until the last day of their second term to pardon a shit-ton of people on their way out the…
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George Zimmerman Files Lawsuit Against Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg for Trayvon Martin Birthday Tweets
Satan reportedly only had two children—one of whom has ascended to the highest office in the land and the other who is in Florida living a dismal life after killing a 17-year-old and continuing to remind everyone that he’s a soulless killer by ripping away at the child’s death. George Zimmerman, who will, for clarity’s…
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When Former Mayor 'Stop and Frisk' White Rap Battles President ‘Grab 'Em by the Pussy,’ Hilarity Ensues
Two grown-ass adult racist billionaires, without one Gucci belt between them, took to Twitter to shoot the dozens (D.C. call it joaning) or white old guy battle rap, which is basically throwing punchlines without rhyming, because they are both racist and petty AF. President Trump called the racist former mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg—who…
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Trump Forgot He Lied, Now Admits He Sent Rudy Giuliani to Ukraine to Dig Up Dirt on Bidens
Trump is out here like a black father who just got his tax returns: You really can’t tell him shit now! Since his impeachment acquittal, Trump’s so hopped up on Adderall, baby calf blood and Russian whore urine that he’s now telling on himself and he doesn’t even give a fuck! During a podcast appearance…
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Attorney General William Barr to Donald Trump: Please Stop Tweeting About Us, You’re Making It Obvious
On Thursday, Attorney General William Barr, aka Evil Fred Flintstone, went on a tirade about his lover/homie/friend President Donald Trump. President Trump “has never asked me to do anything in a criminal case” but should stop tweeting about the Justice Department because his tweets “make it impossible for me to do my job,” Barr said…
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Trump Couldn’t be Briefed on America Because He Was Too Busy Asking About Badgers: ‘Are They Mean to People?’
The President of Highlights children’s magazine couldn’t even be briefed by his then-White House chief of staff Reince Priebus because every time he saw Reince (whose name I always read as “Penis”), he couldn’t stop himself from asking him about badgers. See, Penis Priebus (which would officially make his initials P.P. yep, I’m 7) is…
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Now Former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly Wants to Tell His Truth. GTFOH
Former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly is now telling his truth, which could mean a few things: He’s gotten a grim medical diagnosis and wants to make right with the Lord. He’s got a book to promote. He really hates Trump now and wants to stick it to him. Whatever the reason, Kelly…
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Trump Was Asked What He Learned Since His Impeachment Acquittal. His Answer Went Viral
Why some people still believe that the president of the United States of White Nationalism is still a salvageable piece of roadkill is beyond me. But some reporter found it in himself to ask the president of people who hate seasoning if he’d learned anything from his impeachment acquittal, and the first used colostomy bag…
