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Heroin Overdose Ends U.S House Candidate’s Campaign
An Arizona combat veteran who suffers from heroin addiction and recently had a relapse announced Monday that he’s suspending his campaign to get the help that he needs. “I know the way back,” Chris Taylor, a city councilman in Safford, Arizona, told HuffPost. “I just have to put one foot in front of the other…
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Everyone Is Fine: Trump Says the ‘Caronavirus’ Isn’t as Bad as CDC Reports
Federal health officials—who are officials of public health, which includes scientists and people who went to school for eight plus years and spent all their time tracking diseases and looking at how to control and prevent them from spreading—have noted that Americans need to prepare themselves for a coronavirus outbreak in the U.S. Trump—who inherited…
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Everyone Can Relax. The White House Is Very Close to a Vaccine for…Ebola?
The White House wanted to clear up a few things to set everyone at ease: First, whales are not mating with elephants so the reports of “whalephants” are false. Also, reports of quicksand deaths have been grossly misreported as the last person to die from quicksand was Wile E. Coyote. And, when the president said…
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Watch CNN’s Jim Acosta Dunk on Trump: Our Network’s ‘Record on Delivering the Truth Is a lot Better Than Yours’
Much like the truth, President Trump doesn’t have a good relationship with CNN’s Chief White House Correspondent Jim Acosta. Mostly because the president says extremely outlandish shit and Acosta calls him out on it. In late 2018, the White House pulled Acosta’s press pass because they got all upset during a heated exchange during a…
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Trump’s Meat Heavy Diet Isn’t Playing So Well in India
President Trump hates vegetables more than he hates black people. Fine, he doesn’t hate vegetables that much but he rarely eats them. And it’s understandable after his visit to Willy Wonka’s crib in which he ate a carrot that looked like meat and it tinted his skin orange. I’m sure one of the president’s aides…
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Clarence Thomas’ Wife, Ginni, Has Been Pushing Hires for Trump's Administration
Supreme Court Justice and unofficial mime Clarence Thomas is trash. He’s married to conservative activist—which is just another way of saying a great big whiny baby—Ginni Thomas. Which means by mere association, Ginni Thomas, by marriage and occupation, is also trash. That’s it. That’s the story. If you need to read more, then know that…
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Stop and Frisk These Empty Pockets: Michael Bloomberg’s Campaign Wants to Pay Folks $2,500 a Month to Push Him on Social Media
Former New York City Mayor and recently destroyed Democratic debate candidate Michael Bloomberg is looking to pay some 500 “deputy digital organizers” $2,500 a month to promote him on their social media feeds. Look, before we go any further, the way my bills are set up, and the way that my federal student aid people…
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Russia Wants Trump in 2020 and the President Is Pissed That Intelligence Officials Keep Saying So
It’s Friday, so you know what that means? It means that it’s the last day of the work week and that also means it’s that time again for a Russia report. Ready? Russia is going to punch America’s democracy in the face and steal the election, again, to help Trump win in 2020. What’s new?…
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President Parasite Slams Foreign Movie for Winning Best Picture Oscar, and They Clap Back, ‘Understandable, He Can’t Read’
At this point, Trump is touring more than Kevin Hart, Doug E. Fresh and the black-famous Maze featuring Frankie Beverly. The Root Senior Writer Michael Harriot has already found that Trump is the 10th highest paid athlete in the country, but did you know that he’s the most sought-after masturbating comedian? Fine, there is no…
