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Sen. Kamala Harris Halts Campaign Travel After Staffer Tests Positive for COVID-19
Not today, Satan. I see what you are trying to do and I rebuke you in the name of our Lord and savior, Robyn Rihanna Fenty. California Sen. Kamala Harris, Joe Biden’s running mate to take down the beasts from Lovecraft Country that inhabit the White House, has halted campaign travel after two people—a flight…
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President Trump Is the Dikembe Mutombo of Blocking…His Taxes
President Trump was never going to show his taxes. We knew this in 2015 when he was running for president and claimed that his taxes were being held up by an audit by the IRS. Then we learned that an audit wouldn’t stop the president from releasing his taxes. But he still wouldn’t release them.…
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President Petty and NBC to Host Town Hall on Same Day and Time as Biden’s Town Hall on ABC
President COVID-45, the same man who refused to host a Zoom debate, will now take part in a NBC News town hall event in Miami on the same day and same time as Joe Biden is set to have his town hall. Remember, Biden had to pivot to a town hall after the COVID-19 positive…
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Goddamnit, Joe. Not Like This: Biden Campaign Launches Battle Rap Ad
I hate when old people do this. You know the thing where they try to show that they are hip and not old and they wade into the hip waters and start throwing “jiggy” into their normal conversations except they pause right after they use the word for acknowledgment that they are in fact “cool.”…
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VanillaISIS Also Discussed Kidnapping Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam, FBI Says
The white male terrorists accused of plotting to kidnap Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer also contemplated “taking out” Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam, an FBI agent revealed Tuesday. According to CNBC, during a bond hearing in federal court in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for three of the VanillaISIS members, a disclosure by FBI Special Agent Richard Trask revealed…
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President COVID-45 Holds Rally and Wants to Kiss ‘Guys’ and ‘Beautiful Women’
President Superspreader just can’t keep his COVID-19 to himself. On Monday, not only did the president, who claims that he’s immune to the disease caused by the coronavirus, hold a campaign rally in Florida but, at one point, he claimed that he wanted to kiss everyone in the audience. “I feel so powerful… I’ll kiss…
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The ‘Why Are We Doing This and Not Passing a Stimulus Package?’ Supreme Court Confirmation Hearing for Amy Coney Barrett Began on Monday
Why? Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this right now? Why are they trying to act like this isn’t hypocritical? Why is this woman wearing a mask today but didn’t have one on during the superspreader soiree at the White House? So many questions and no answers, but I was happy…
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This Has to be the Most Bizarre Trump Story of All Time
I still can’t believe that this story is true even from this Washington Football Team-ass administration, but apparently, Trump wanted to pull a stunt so outrageous that even his New York Jets-ass administration was like “Nah, Slim. You bugging the fuck out.” President COVID-45 reportedly pitched this idea while COVID-19 was running through his body…
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Trump: Racists Call It Columbus Day, So I’m Calling It Columbus Day!
Christopher Columbus is considered a hero of racists, and rightfully so. He was an inept sailor who stumbled upon an inhabited land, claimed it as his own and then had the police, who traveled with him, kill everyone who lived there over small infractions including jogging, jaywalking and sleeping, and those they couldn’t kill, they…
