Editor’s note: This conversation completely, entirely, absolutely never happened. But if there was a conversation in which the Yankees’ most famous player gets to confront the team’s owner about possibly trying to keep a brotha’s check small, this is exactly as we imagine it might go.
Hal Steinbrenner: Hey, Aaron! We’ve got some good news. I mean some really, really great news! And, well, a little bit of bad news but lets focus on the good.
Aaron Judge: Hey, Hal. Let me get off this call with my agent...OK, what’s up?
HS: We just got word you were named the American League MVP! That’s fantastic. We haven’t had one of those since A-Rod back in ‘07, which is like two years before that last World Series. Man, that feels like forever ago.
AJ: Thanks, Hal, but I knew already. That’s why I was talking to my agent. He says after setting a new home run record and winning league MVP in my free agent year I should be in line for...
HS: Hey, hey, hey! Let’s save all that money talk for later, OK? Listen, we’re gonna take care of you. Yankees for life, right?
AJ: Uh, yeah. But I mean if Max Schcrzer is getting $130 million, shouldn’t I...
HS: Scherzer, schmerzer! We’re here to talk about you and celebrate our great year. I mean sure we went one and done in the playoffs again but making the World Series isn’t everything? Did you know there weren’t any African-American players in it this year?
AJ: Yeah, I knew that.
HS: That’s why we need you to be a Yankee for life. You can get us back to the big dance and show ‘em the Yanks are all about diversity.
AJ: Uh...OK. Sure. But you said you had some bad news?
HS: Oh, that. So about this free agency thing. You’re gonna hear some stuff. OK, kid? Some nasty stuff about us allegedly colluding with the Mets.
HS: Yeah, somebody wrote some nonsense about a meaningless conversation we had with the Mets where we figured, you know, no point in us getting into a bidding war and driving up the price of your next contract. Now Major League Baseball wants to do a whole investigation. It’s all totally blown out of proportion.
AJ: Not for nothin’, Hal, it sounds pretty shady. Almost like you don’t think I’m worth Scherzer money. And I’m definitely about to get Scherzer money.
HS: Listen, kid. Don’t let ‘em get in your ear. We’re gonna get you your money and you’re gonna keep cranking those home runs in the Bronx for years to come. Yankees for life! Who loves ya, baby?