A List of Broke-Ass Shit Still Less Broke Than Y'all's Broke-Ass President

1. Lonzo Ball’s jump shot

Video will return here when scrolled back into view

Walter Davis On Building a Black-Owned Bank From Zero to $2 billion

view video

Walter Davis On Building a Black-Owned Bank From Zero to $2 billion

2. The Pittsburgh Public School System

3. The Kardashians, if they lived in a world where spicy-ish white girls weren’t catnip to thirsty niggas

4. Me, at 26

5. Actually, me until like 17 minutes ago

6. The clippers that Rajon Rondo’s bubble barber must’ve used

7. The Barksdale family by season five of The Wire

8. Candice Owens’ edges, even though I don’t really know what edges are, but I’ve heard that hers are quite broke

9. Barron Trump in 10 years, if his broke-ass daddy keeps putting electric bills in his name

10. Back Mountain (Get it? Broke-Back? Mountain? Nevermind.)

11. My faith in both the spice and the “chicken” in McDonald’s spicy chicken nuggets

12. Everyone today who was signed to Bad Boy Records in 2001

13. All the Pittsburgh niggas who rushed to Whiskey Dicks in the Strip each Saturday night in 2003 because drinks were free before 11 pm

14. Skype’s self-esteem, after Zoom came through and ate all its food

15. One of my yet-to-be-extracted wisdom teeth, unfortunately

16. Literally every vending machine that carries Fritos

17. The promise I made with myself in April to stop eating so many honey roasted peanuts

18. One of my neighbor’s commitment to social distancing

19. Any remaining faith in white Americans, collectively, to do the right thing

20. America