5 Common Household Items That Are More Intelligent Than Donald Trump

Pool/Getty Images
Pool/Getty Images

When your president is a bumbling buffoon who insists on proving that he is a bumbling buffoon on a daily basis, eventually even the people you think would be on his side will get tired of pretending that he is anything but an idiot and will start openly remarking on his idiocy.


Such is the case of national security adviser H.R. McMaster, who BuzzFeed reports mocked Trump’s intelligence during a dinner with Oracle CEO Safra Catz in July. Sources told BuzzFeed that McMaster referred to Trump as both an “idiot” and a “dope,” and said he had the intelligence of a “kindergartner.”

I personally find that last part unfairly insulting to kindergartners everywhere. I’m very sure there are kindergartners who are actually smarter than Donald Trump. There are certainly kindergartners who are more capable than our president of expressing their emotions in a constructive way.

This whole thing got me thinking, though. I can find several inanimate objects in my house that are a lot more intelligent than Donald Trump. I’m talking things that I use every single day. I feel more comfortable comparing those things to Trump in terms of intelligence than I do kindergartners, who don’t deserve to be slighted in such a way.

So here it is, a list of five common household items that are more intelligent than Donald Trump.

1. My Coffee Maker

I have one of those cool Mr. Coffee coffee makers that you can set up the night before and have the coffee brew at a certain time the next morning. There’s nothing better than waking up to the smell of freshly brewing coffee. Well, there are better things, but you get my meaning. And for those days when I forget to set it up overnight, I don’t have to stand around impatiently waiting for the entire pot to brew, because the coffee maker has a pause-and-serve function that lets me pour a cup in the middle of the brewing—so no one loses their head early in the morning because I haven’t had my coffee. Now, that is fucking intelligent.


2. The “Are You Still Watching?” Prompt on Netflix

How many times have you fallen asleep in the middle of binge-watching a series on Netflix? That “Are you still watching?” prompt is a lifesaver when it comes to this. Lately, I have been watching Greenleaf. It’s not at all boring, but when I turn it on just before bed, I inevitably fall asleep just as one episode ends and another begins. This is the best thing Netflix could have done to help us not lose our place while watching shows, and I love Netflix for it. Thank you, Netflix, this is very intelligent.


3. The PlayStation 4 Automatic Shutdown 

Coupled with the “Are you still watching?” prompt on Netflix, the automatic shutdown feature on the PlayStation 4 is another genius invention that helps me save electricity and keeps my television from watching me snore and drool all over my pillows at night. If I don’t touch the PS4 controller for two hours or more, the system will automatically shut itself down. I am usually watching Netflix through my PS4 (I don’t have a smart TV yet), so this feature actually works well for me. Highly intelligent.


4. The Automatic Shutoff on My Television 

Once Netflix has figured out that I am, in fact, not still watching, and the PS4 has given up on me pushing another button and shuts itself off, my television figures out that I am not watching a channel and nothing is coming in through either HDMI input, so it shuts itself off. This keeps me from sleeping to the snow on the TV, which creates more light than you think and can actually disturb you. Again, more intelligent than Donald Trump.


5. My Instant Pot

If you are interested in having a kitchen miracle worker in your life, I highly suggest that you invest in an Instant Pot. I bought one last year when Amazon.com had them on sale, and I have never looked back. This thing functions as a pressure cooker, rice cooker, slow cooker and much, much more. I have created many a tasty dish with this handy kitchen gadget. You just set it and forget it. It does all the work for you. We’re talking a whole frozen chicken being cooked in about an hour, tender as hell, with the meat falling off the bone. LET ME SEE YOUR IDIOT-ASS PRESIDENT DO THAT.


As you can see, we can find many things that are much more intelligent than Donald Trump, and we don’t have to insult the minds of innocent kindergartners to do it.

Although McMaster’s comments are still pretty gotdamn funny.

Read more at BuzzFeed.


Monique Judge

I really wanted to add my Hitachi Magic Wand to this list, but I don’t think my editors would have let that fly.