Dear Democratic Party,
First, I want to tell you that I appreciate all you've done for me, but I have just begun to realize that our relationship is abusive. I know that most relationships are based on what we see our parents do, and I watched mine get stuck in this same kind of toxic marriage until it killed them.
I deserve to be happier than this. I believe I should be with someone who focuses on all my needs and doesn't take me for granted, so I have to go.
I know this will sound cliché, but it's not you, it's me. I knew you were seeing other people when I met you, so I can't blame you for not focusing on my desires. I was aware that you had a thing for white girls. I even heard rumors that you had even dated a few rich white guys in college, but I disregarded them and I still allowed myself to get tangled up in this love triangle, because it seemed like you genuinely cared for me. Now I know better.
Now I can see that you were using me. I was the one you counted on to always be home for you when you were in bed with random environmentalist chicks or sleeping with anyone who acted like they'd give you a few votes. Whenever I asked for anything, you'd brush me off with sweet talk about how we were going to go on a nice getaway, but it was always "right after this next election … "
Well, I'm tired of waiting on the "next election." I took a step back and realized you've never done anything for me. Yeah, you gave me a few handouts, but that was only to keep me docile. Almost everything I have (the 13th Amendment, the Voting Rights Act, the Civil Rights Act, etc.) was given to me by the Republicans, my—ex—and although I could never go back to that asshole (he's a monster now), I'm tired of being the unappreciated backbone of this partnership.
I know you think I'm still upset with you for ruining my friendship with Bernie, but it's not about him. I’m over him. I must confess that I am still a little peeved at how you ruined his chances by spreading lies about him, so I went through your phone and found those emails. I’m not pissed about Bernie, but about how underhanded and untrustworthy you were during that entire episode. Now you just want me to pretend as if you didn’t try to manipulate me.
I’m really irate about this new girl you're dating. I know we have an open relationship, so I’ve tried to be supportive, but I do not trust this chick Hillary. She's called me terrible names and even got a bunch of my brothers locked up on some bogus charges, yet you still want to date her as if she were cool with me. You admitted to me that one of her faults is that she’s a liar, then you try to convince me that she will …
N—ga, how do you know? She’s a liar!
My grandmother always warned me that there were three people she couldn’t stand: a liar, a thief and anyone who tweets about an Olympian's hair, and you know I love my mee-maw. She’s the only one who told me to trust my heart.
People keep trying to convince me that you're great, but I am not a sheep—I won’t let you lead me to slaughter. Even my parents keep reminding me how good you've been to me over the years. Yeah, I appreciate the things you've helped me out with. I know you helped me get health care, but I'm tired of you throwing that in my face, too.
Everyone keeps warning me if I leave you, I will be helping my ex and his whole infatuation with Donald Trump. I'm not that stupid. I know that's not how math works. They watch 22 minutes of network news and believe my ex is a bogeyman devil and you are a white knight riding in with windswept hair coming to save us all. I am smart enough to know that the other side is not that much Satan and you are not that much savior. Again, I am not a sheep. They also tell me if I date anyone else but you, I'm throwing my love away. That may be true, but here is the thing:
If neither you nor my ex can satisfy my needs, maybe I should "throw my love away" for a while. If neither of you sugar daddies gives a damn about me, maybe I should date a loser once, just to show you how much my support is worth.
Or maybe if I sleep around this time, while you two idiots cater to everyone but me, you will realize how valuable my love is and start acting like it. Maybe the only way I will ever get equality in a relationship is to withhold it and make someone earn it.
I’m tired of giving it to you for free. But not any more.
Let's see how you do without me.
The next time you hear a Mary J. Blige song (it doesn't matter which one; I guarantee it will be about how she loved a man and he dogged her out so she had to leave), remember me.
And as the great woman Harriet Tubman once said: