iStock

Last week, over chicken wings and tequila, one of my girlfriends relayed a story to me that was hilarious, embarrassing and troubling all at the same time. She had a sexual encounter with a man who knew absolutely nothing about foreplay. He kissed her one or two times, slid into her without even making sure she was ready, and finished his little “act” all within two minutes. It was all bad.

It led us to discussing what do men think constitutes foreplay and how if only they realized foreplay is the key to a good sexual experience for everyone, we might not hold it against them so much when they fall short of our expectations in other areas.

OK, maybe we would still hold it against them, but we would give them lots of points for their effort during the preamble. So that got me to thinking about all the things lots of men don’t know, but could probably stand to learn, about foreplay.

This is a primer, so print it out and tape it to your mirror or your refrigerator or someplace you can see it daily and commit it to memory, fellas. This one is for you.

1. Please realize that foreplay is about more than getting her “wet” so you can slide in.

It’s about creating a level of intimacy, even with partners you have been with before. It’s about setting up the perfect sexual alley-oop. It’s about the buildup before the final act. Turn her up. Make her want to give herself to you. Make her want to get freaky with you. Make her want to whip out all the tricks she’s been holding back from all the other dudes she’s ever been with. Make her want to bless you with her body. Give her a reason to want you badly.

Advertisement

2. It’s more than just kissing her and fondling her breasts.

If she is anything like me, she may not have that much sensitivity in her breasts anyway. All my sensitivity is in my nipples and along the sides of my breasts, so if you spend all your time kissing me across the tops of them, I’m going to pull my phone out and check Twitter until you’re done. This is not a joke.

3. Foreplay is the perfect opportunity to learn about and explore your partner’s body. 

You can help her find “that spot” she didn’t even know she had. I never knew I was supersensitive on my shoulders until an old partner kissed and bit me on them. Now? That is my biggest turn-on, and I tell everyone I’m with, because I want them to use that to their advantage.

Advertisement

Kiss all her 2,000 parts. Don’t be afraid to try something new. Don’t be afraid to try something that worked on someone else. She’ll let you know through her body’s responses and audibly whether or not something is working. Find that spot that makes her yell out in ecstasy. It’s what you are here for, right?

4. Foreplay is the easiest way to give a woman multiple orgasms if you are unable to do so with your penis.

There are so many ways to turn a woman on. Our bodies are treasure maps just waiting to be explored and discovered. Buried in lots of little unknown spots are the keys to even the elusive squirting orgasm, but you have to be more Lewis and Clark than Columbus about your game.

Advertisement

If you are willing to travel the distance, the rewards will be great. If, however, you just want to destroy and plunder, you aren’t going to get very far and probably won’t be asked back. In fact, your reputation may be massacred when she discusses you with her girlfriends.

Yes, fellas, we have those conversations just like y’all do. If you have left a woman unsatisfied, I guarantee at least five of her best girlfriends know about it, and they try to hold in their laughter whenever you are around.

That “Oh, this is Jerome” has more to do with what we’ve heard about you sexually and less to do with how good a guy she thinks you are.

Advertisement

5. Foreplay has the potential to be more pleasurable and sensual than the actual intercourse itself.

This is especially true for those of you who already know your own shortcomings. Don’t play her, and for the love of Venus, don’t play yourself, either.

Don’t just stop at cunnilingus—take your time with her body. Kiss her everywhere. Put your tongue everywhere. Put your fingers everywhere. Whisper to her. Look her in her eyes as you touch her. Ask her if she likes it. Ask her if she wants it.

Advertisement

There are so many erogenous zones on a woman’s body. Make it a game to find five new ones every time you are with her. Dedicate yourself to making her moan before you are inside her.

Any man can stroke a woman with his dick; it takes a skilled one to bring her to orgasm.

If you can make her orgasm without using your penis? You the real MVP.