20 Things You Probably Do if You Were Raised Right

Illustration for article titled 20 Things You Probably Do if You Were Raised Right
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Some of you all are savages. I ain’t talking about your parents (or your mama, since that’s the stinger), but some of you weren’t raised right. I discover this fact almost daily.


This morning, I watched somebody who clearly wasn’t raised right put the lives of myself and at least 10 other people at risk at a gas station. Who cares if the likelihood of being blown to smithereens because a savage put gas in her car with the engine running is small? The possibility exists. There are YouTube clips and I’ve seen Zoolander several times. Shit happens, yo. That bumper sticker isn’t just cute—it’s real life, fam.

Now, some of you were clearly raised right. You never get the credit because you just live your life the right way. You are appreciated. You’re the equivalent of a student getting good grades; people only remember if you get an F. I got a D-plus once in college in my Differential Equations class. Do you think my parents noticed the A-plus in Econometrics? No.

But you know what? Tupac cares even if nobody else cares. I see you out here living your best life, making your parents look good. Here is a nondefinitive, nonexhaustive list of 20 things you probably do if you were raised right:

  1. turn off your car when you get gas
  2. wipe your feet before you walk in the house
  3. wipe the seatie if you sprinkle when you tinkle
  4. put the toilet seat down after tinkling
  5. rinse your dishes off when you put them in the sink
  6. don’t double park and ruin two parking spaces
  7. throw your trash in the trash can and if you miss playing trashketball, you always pick up your trash and put it in
  8. don’t litter
  9. don’t leave the piss-me-off amount of orange juice/Kool-Aid/soda/milk/libation
  10. recycle when it’s an option
  11. leave a bathroom toilet stall between yourself and the person already in a stall when possible
  12. wash your hands when you finish using the restroom
  13. wash the dishes you used when staying at somebody else’s house for free
  14. tip at appropriate times
  15. properly dispose of condoms and condom wrappers
  16. don’t buy Play-Doh (or toys that make noise or make messes for kids who aren’t yours)
  17. attempt to write legibly when other people have to read something you literally wrote
  18. give up your seat for the elderly
  19. hold doors open for people walking right behind you
  20. acknowledge folks who let you in front of them in traffic with a quick hand wave of appreciation

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.


King Beauregard

When you have a choice to make, ask yourself which option is likely to make things better and which is likely to make things worse. Do the better one, unless for some reason you can’t.