20 Names For "Cuffing Season" Much More Appropriate And Practical Than "Cuffing Season"


It's kinda, sorta fall now. Which means it's "Cuffing Season." Which means it's time for all the summer singles to scramble for brunch partners, bedsheet warmers, and people whose "Hey" texts you see but don't click on for hours because you don't want them to get a read receipt. Thing is, considering how the post-summer/pre-spring dating world actually works, "Cuffing Season" might not be the best description of it. Here are a few better, more efficient suggestions.


1. "She always keeps her fridge full of snacks" season

2. "He's okay, I guess, but his loft is two blocks away from my job, so why go all the way back to Brooklyn when I can just stay here?" season

3. "I really don't feel like turning on my gas yet, but he has electric heat" season

4. "Come thru." "Who's this?" "Does it matter?" "I guess not" season

5. "Do you need a ride home?" season

6. "She's cool, but, real talk, her booty's like a heated tempurpedic pillow" season

7. "I don't have cable anymore, but she does" season

8. "My roommate's boyfriend is staying with us, and he smells like moth balls and Captain Morgan, so I need somewhere to stay this weekend" season


9. "He's not much to talk about, but he always feels so warm inside me. And it's gonna be cold tonight" season

10. "Busy?" "Yeah, why?" "I was gonna bring some General Tso's Shrimp." "Ok, come over" season


11. "I know, I know, I know. It should have ended already. I'm just staying with him cause he's the third guy this fall already, and I need to keep my numbers down" season

12. "He eats the booty like groceries. And he buys groceries" season

13. "I really don't have any other options. At least none not incarcerated" season


14. "Stop pretending like you're surprised no cabs run this late. I know you planned this so you'd be "forced" to stay over" season

15. "Stop pretending like you accidentally got too tipsy to drive home. I know you planned this so you'd be "forced" to stay over" season


16. "I miss you." "We've known each other for 17 minutes." "But, still" season

17. "It really doesn't take that long to search for your keys in a purse" season

18. "I really want to go to brunch early tomorrow, but I really can't go alone again" season


19. "He has a big, thick, long-ass…TV, and Fear the Walking Dead is coming on tonight" season

20. "I think I've been listening to too much Drake" season

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)


Medium Meech

Can we please get the cuffing season popping right? We talking about it but the only thing between yawl is bus fare and opportunity. What's stopping MaLawyer (or Salik, I approve either way) from becoming a thing? @disqus_UtAHUy5O0a:disqus put the booty on the table, all she asks is you pull up a seat and put on a bib. You scared @disqus_cV0KzUqZML:disqus? Why @ayotristan:disqus and @YeaSoh:disqus just dancing around each other? Is it because @PhlyyPhree:disqus waiting in the wings to shoot her shot? @MzzPeaches:disqus, never mind you're a Virgo. Since @agathaguilluame:disqus is the resident advice, cuffing season, and lip gloss expert I vote that she come in and speak on who should be hooked up.