17 Reasons Why The NY Times Interview With Willow And Jaden Smith WILL Actually Break The Internet

Brad Barket/Getty Images
Brad Barket/Getty Images

1. Because "Prana Energy" — one of the six or seven things I had to google while reading this — is in the title.


2. Because this quote…

"…the new pieces are suffused with a different sort of bareness, and a self-guided education in topics such as Archimedean solids and mysticism"

…is used to describe Jaden Smith's new album.

3. Because 12-year-old Willow Smith is currently reading up on quantum physics and Osho. Which…are you fucking kidding me?

4. Because Willow gave her answer so that it was two sentences ("Quantum physics. Osho.") instead of just one. This was intentional. Willow Smith is an event horizon.

5. Because as an answer to the very next effing question, Willow admits she is going to enter the NBA dunk contest next year. Well, she either said that or that she believes "time" doesn't exist. I forget which one.


6. Because the "melancholiness of the ocean" is one of the themes in Jaden's work, which means HE HAS PERSONIFIED THE MOTHERFUCKING OCEAN!

7. Because Jaden "burst into laughter" after hearing Willow say "the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made" — the first sign Jaden's body might contain molecules and Pop Tarts and shit.


8. Because this quote from Willow…

"…caring less and less about what your own mind thinks, because what your own mind thinks, sometimes, is the thing that makes you sad"


…made me cry for 10 minutes.

9. Because I'm still crying.

10. Because I'm done crying, and now I want to find some parsley. And I want to spread the parsley on a canvas. And I want to get some rubber cement, three lightly-used alkaline batteries, a duck liver, and Dame Judi Dench to help me create OH MY GOD WILLOW SMITH HAS INFECTED MY BRAIN!


11. Because the answers about the evolution of their music and the writing process…are refreshing, make a lot of sense, and are actually good pieces of advice for any young person or aspiring artist.

12. Because Willow Smith writes her own novels. And she doesn't like to read novels. So she writes her own novels so she can read them. Which is like eating your own poop because you hate everyone else's food.


13. Because, according to Jaden, she's been doing this since she was six.

14. Because "Me and Jaden just figured out that our voices sound like chocolate together" is the best quote I've ever read.


15. Because I just lied. "Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up?" is actually the best quote I've ever read.

16. Because I had to google "prana energy" again because I forgot what it means.

17. Because there will be another Michael Jordan. There will be another Mahatma Gandhi. There will even be another K. Michelle. But there will never be another Willow and Jaden Smith. I love them.



I was gonna crack slick but I couldn't. I was on some introspective stuff as a teen. I had considered ways to turn back time. I was also coming into my own at the time and finally understood some of Einsteinian concepts. I was also listening to Mos Def and Kanye while readong Malcolm and fighting the man.

As a new dad as of Monday, I'd rather my kid be "fake deep" than running the streets. Baby Eps gonna just fine. Meet the guy. His fave book is The