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Every day, the staff at The Root receives emails, DMs and tweets about the content. While 83.2 percent of them contain some variation of “Not all white people” or the n-word, some of them are legitimate questions, complaints and comments about the various stories our readers digest.

In an effort to make this site more interactive, we decided to periodically respond to some of your suggestions, queries and messages.


From: J.

Subject: YOUR LIST OF RACIST GROUPS

YOU LEFT ONE FUCKING RACIST GROUP OFF YOUR SO CALLED RACIST GROUP LIST. ..

BLACK LIVES MATTER. ..IT’S A HATE GROUP TOO...RIGHT UP THERE WITH THE WHITE SUPREMIST... KKK AND NAZIS... YOUR RACISM IS SHOWING. SHAME ON YOU!

Dear J,

You are correct. I did leave off Black Lives Matter from my list of hate groups. I am not an apologist for BLM because at every meeting they actually do talk about the one group they hate the most:

White people who type in all caps.

It is really troubling how much they hate you guys. However, I want you to know that I am not like them. I understand your problem is emblematic of your low education and grammatical skills. I realize that anyone who can’t understand that asserting the value of black lives is not a slight against Caucasians might struggle with sentence structure and paragraph composition.

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But unlike the Ku Klux Klan and the neo-Nazi movement, we have convened a committee to address “you people.” Here’s what we came up with: If you look at the button just below the “tab” button and above the “shift” button on your keyboard, you might have overlooked a small key that reads “caps lock.” I’m sure you think this button somehow secures your hats from thieves, but it actually makes lowercase letters magically appear.

You’re welcome.

P.S. If you promise to be nicer, I might tell you the secret to differentiating between ellipses, a comma and a period.


Dear Squire,

Although Yesha’s response technically qualifies as a clapback, please allow me to expound on her point.

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While “cunt” ranks near the top of the list in the hierarchy of Caucasian insults, (although “We’re going to remove that statue” is rapidly rising to the top of the leaderboard), I am sorry to inform you that it really isn’t a thing in the black community. I’m sure she’s heard worse.

How about taking a cue from some of our more vitriolic readers and throw in a “nigger” every now and then? Even “coon” is more creative. How about “jigaboo”? People rarely use “jigaboo” anymore, and you might be just the person to rescue it from obscurity. I would suggest that nothing carries both the gravitas and old-school hatred of “porch monkey,” but hey, it’s ultimately up to you.

And what exactly is a “real cunt”? Are you complimenting her authenticity, as opposed to those fake, poorly crafted bootleg cunts you can get from any barbershop or swap meet? I’m confused.

I give it a C-minus.

Nice try, though.


Screenshot via Gmail

Dear JAs,

As a liberal, effeminate black man who looks like a clown, I have passed this message on to my white daddy and black feminist overlords. They allowed me to respond to this message in any way I saw fit, and I was going to explain myself, but then I realized:

What’s the use? This motherfucker listens to Umar Johnson.

I would, however, ask if you are interested in donating to my school for black people who follow Umar Johnson. As a direct descendant of Shaka Zulu and Django (before he was unchained), I feel I have a unique insight on how to uplift the woke community. I have already found a site situated on the island of Narnia. You can donate to my GoFundMe account or Paypal me directly.


Dear White Women,

I’m sorry if you were offended by my response. I will admit that I act a little belligerent sometimes, but please allow me to address your concerns individually:

SJWNonsense: I am not one of the people who adhere to the philosophy that black people can’t be racist. The dictionary defines a “racist” as: “a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another.”

Therefore, I am not a racist. Yes, I believe that I am superior to you, but not because you are white. It is because I think white women who spend their time trolling people on Twitter are a waste of Caucasianness. Why not spend your time doing something more productive like reading a book or shitting out bland replicas of someone’s culture you stole?

Andrealoko_: No, I wasn’t the guy who hit on you at the gas station. I am generally not attracted to thin-lipped, flip-flop-wearing fake blondes with asses shaped like coffee-table books whose window of attractiveness expires faster than nonhomogenized milk.

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But when I saw you tweet out this picture espousing your alt-right belief in the “14 words” (from the white supremacist mantra “We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children”), I thought, “She’s kinda cute in a Nazi-bootleg-Khaleesi-I-bet-she-smells-like-dragon-pee-and-hot-dog-water kinda way.”

Twitter via Andrealoko_

Nah, that wasn’t me. It must’ve been someone else.

BasedMara: I actually do let “black queens” walk all over me. As a matter of fact, as I crawled into bed with my black queen last night, I whispered in her ear:

I’m so glad you aren’t such a self-hating Negro that you go around defending white supremacists and giving virtual high-fives to neo-Nazis who’d shit down your throat if they got the chance.

Good night.