Very Smart Brothas
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Am I the Only Person Under 60 Who Still Carries Around a Crown Royal Bag for My Valuables?
In the black American community, there are a few cultural items revered historically and across regions of blackness without question: the Afro pick with the black fist on it, plastic coverings on furniture, pictures in Grandma’s house of white Jesus, and the Crown Royal bag. Yes, the Crown Royal bag. When you buy a fifth…
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Is ‘Colonizer’ the Best Word for Problematic White People Ever?
The search for the perfect slur for white people has been relentless, exhausting and mostly fruitless. There are dozens of contenders, but none that have ever truly stuck. Basically, the search for the perfect slur for white people has been like the search for a really good fast-food fish sandwich. “Cracker” is perhaps the most…
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10 Thoughts on The Loving Generation Documentary About Biracial Kids Born After Loving v. Virginia
Today, the final installment of the documentary The Loving Generation was released (please go check out “Episode 1: Checking Boxes,” “Episode 2: We Are Family,” “Episode 3: Coming of Age” and “Episode 4: The Obama Era”). Full disclosure: I’m in the documentary. It explores the stories of biracial black-and-white children born after the 1967 Loving…
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America Doesn’t Have a Gun Control Problem. We Have a White-People Problem
Last August, as my wife and I and two of our friends biked through the Great Allegheny Passage in McKeesport, Pa., a city 12 miles from Pittsburgh, I joked that we probably wouldn’t see any more black people until Maryland. I was wrong. In the 150 miles between Pittsburgh and Cumberland, Md., we saw four.…
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What’s the Better ’90s Party Jam: Luke’s ‘Scarred’ or ‘I Wanna Rock (Doo Doo Brown)’?
Anybody who came of age in the ’90s is familiar with 2 Live Crew and Uncle Luke. They brought us classics like “Me So Horny” and “Pop That Coochie.” Luke was the king of party jams, and he brought us many perennial classics. I was at a ’90s party in Atlanta a few weekends back…
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6 Jobs That People Don’t Think Require Real ‘Work’
I’m a creative. I like to think that I’m good at it. At the very least, I’m good enough at it to get paid to do it like I’m doing it for television. Do you know what this means? I’ll tell you what it means: It means that while it brings home the bacon, it…
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What’s the Biggest National Chain You’ve Never Actually Stepped Foot in Before?
Fifteen or so years ago, Oprah had a show where various celebrities offered their favorite sandwiches: what’s in them, where they’re sold, how often they eat one, etc. Chris Rock was featured in this segment, and described a shrimp-and-bacon club from the Cheesecake Factory. This memory has stuck in my mind because of two thoughts…
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Arming Teachers Is Probably One of the Worst Policy Suggestions of All Time
When I was in ninth grade, I had a classmate named Chris. Chris was your typical badass: a little older than the rest of us, a little less interested in shit than the rest of us, basically coming to school because what the fuck else did he have to do while the rest of us…
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Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner’s Drinking Chocolate Milk for ‘Diversity’ Is the Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
The pervasive mindlessness of white people—a dynamic stemming from the perpetual withdrawing from humanity required to keep whiteness erect—is something we’re reminded of and endangered by every day. Sometimes, as with the reactions from the White House and its minions to the shooting in Parkland, Fla., it manifests as a craven cowardice where you sincerely…