Very Smart Brothas
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How Janet Jackson’s janet. Made a Man Out of Me
Janet Jackson’s janet. could not have come out at a more critical time in my life. It was the summer of 1993 (the album was released 25 years ago today, May 18), and I was 11 years old going on 12, and puberty was having the time of its life in my body. Since this…
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The Complexity of Not Calling the Police While Black
The news has lately been inundated with examples of white folks (and even some nonwhite folks) doing the ultimate white-folkin’ of calling the police for no reason on black folks who were doing nothing but existing and living their everyday lives. From Starbucks to walking in the park with our own children or trying to…
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Becky With the Bold Hands: White Woman Arrested for Attempting to Pet Black Woman’s Dog Without Permission
On the list of “Headlines I’ve always wished to write but assumed I’d never have the chance to,” “White Person Arrested for Petting a Black Person’s Dog Without Permission” might actually be No. 1, narrowly beating “Zimmerman Stampeded in Pamplona; Remains Yet to Be Found” and “Reparations Approved by Congress on One Condition: Deport R.…
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Is It Safe to Admit I’m Just Happy It’s the White Side of Meghan Markle’s Family Acting a Damn Fool?
The royal wedding is happening at some point this week. I haven’t been following the news blow by blow, but I know enough to know the main characters. Meghan Markle (who I enjoyed on Suits) is marrying Prince Harry (who is a prince). They look nice together in pictures, like the cover models for a…
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10 Things That Confuse Me About Kenny G’s Colonization of My Musical World
For some odd reason that I cannot quite understand, I grew up listening to a very (un)healthy amount of Kenny G. The track “Songbird”—you know the one—could be heard on any given day throughout my home as a kid. For the life of me, I do not understand why this was the case. Turns out…
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At What Age Did You First See Coming to America?
I have three chirrens. They are ages 9, 3 and 2. At this point, because children are sponges and shit, I am very careful about what I watch and listen to in front of them. The last thing I need is to have my kids absorb some super-profane content and then repeat it. I already…
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The Best Way to Battle Internet Trolls Is to Treat Them Like Ice Cubes Dropped in the Dirt
“I dropped it, Daddy! I dropped it!” my daughter exclaimed while sitting on my lap, as the ice cube she held in the palm of her hand slipped from her grasp and crashed on the cement stoop outside our house. Determined to retrieve the wayward cube, she crawled off of me, stood over the ice…
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Did Chris Paul Elbow Kevin Durant in the Butthole Last Night?
Below, because I know you’re curious, are the five worst places to be elbowed during a basketball game (in reverse order): 5. armpit (trust me) 4. nose 3. eye Tie: 2. nuts/stomach/ribs 1. butthole (presumably) Anyway, yes. Chris Paul definitely elbowed Kevin Durant in the butthole. Perhaps the first midgame butthole elbow I’ve ever seen.…
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Jimmy Jam’s Episodes of Questlove Supreme Might Be the Greatest Episodes of Anything That Ever Existed
I can be prone to hyperbole. I can see proof of it in my daughter, who has adopted my penchant for saying, “This is my favorite song ever” for nearly every song she hears that she likes. We don’t do things small in the My-Last-Name-Isn’t-Really-Jackson household. I remember once playing the Sylvers’ “Even This Shall…