wypipo
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Sounds About White: Colonizer 'Artist' Gentrifies African Desert With Whitest Song Ever
One day in the not-too-distant future, when the nearest star to our galaxy suddenly collapses, a group of astrophysicists from around the globe will convene to discuss the theoretical physics of the interplanetary incident. One of these researchers, we shall call him Chadwick, will bravely step forward and propose a manned space flight to examine…
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Black Teens Accused of Shoplifting at Kroger Had Receipts. Police Still Gave Them a Trespass Warning
A Texas Kroger manager is being accused of racially profiling some black teenagers who came into his store to buy snacks. I’m not inclined to disagree. According to KXAS-TV, two black boys and two young black men—ages 15, 16, 19, and 20—went into a Kroger last week and made their purchases, juice, chips, Oreos, by…
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8 Things White America Should Leave in 2018
As we stand on the precipice of a brand new year, the staff at The Root is hopeful that everyone can use the past 12 months as a valuable learning experience in the quest for growth and change. As such, we have convened a world-renowned panel of experts in the field of Wypipology to compile…
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America Needs to Have a Conversation About White People Covering ‘No Diggity’
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with editor Angela Helm while she was beaming about an interview that she had just completed with musical genius Teddy Riley. Not content in simply letting her bask in her glory, as she explained how she asked all the right questions, I proceeded to burst her…
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The Root's Gift Guide for Black People Who Have to Buy Presents for White People
What do you give the person who has everything, including white privilege? How do you shop for someone who can get out of church at a decent hour, sit in Starbucks as long as they want and is bold enough to stand in the aisle at Bed, Bath and Beyond, look at the bath salts…
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Shade For Now: Les Moonves Didn't Do Right By Janet Jackson. Now, He Won't Receive $120 Million Severance
The sentient sabotaging sallow sapien known as Les Moonves has $120 million less to account for in his greed-expectant vault. Following the horrid findings from the former network executive’s sexual misconduct investigation, The CBS Corp.’s board has determined Moonves will not be granted his severance pay, The New York Times reports. Transgressions included several sexual…
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Pool Patrol Paula Pleads Guilty
The tartarsaucian who became known across the internet as “Pool Patrol Paula” has pleaded guilty to assault and battery on a black teenager whom she attacked for swimming in the same water as good, law-abiding white people. The Associated Press reports that Stephanie Sebby-Strempel was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine after her lawyer entered…
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Trump Believes People Would Revolt If He’s Impeached. By ‘People’ He Means Wypipo
President Donald Trump really believes that if he’s impeached chaos would ensue. He honestly believes that his tiki torch mob would set this world ablaze and the world would stink of fire and brimstone. Also, what is brimstone and where can I buy it? It sounds evil and it’s usually associated with evil but I’ve…
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Oprah's Reaction to Eating This White Woman's Seasonless Chicken is All of Us
Imagine a world bereft of Lawry’s. Potato salad defiled by acorns and raisins. Brussel sprouts and squash drowning in tubs of mac and cheese. For the Caucasian contingent, this is every day life. But for the rest of us, this is a fate reserved for nightmares and therapist couches. In 2006, a domestic terrorist by…