white people
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The 20 Whitest Things White People Say to Black People, Ranked
20. “Oh, you’re married?” 19. “Is that your hair?” 18. “I don’t see color.” 17. “Can you turn that down?” 16. “DUUUUUDE, TAKE A SHOT WITH ME!!!” 15. “This section is reserved.” 14. “He doesn’t bite.” 13. “I voted for Obama.” 12. “Yeah, you’re black. But not like, black black.” 11. “If you can say…
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Everything White People Think About Affirmative Action Is Wrong
After uniting with Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller and Betsy DeVos to form the Trump administration’s version of the Caucasian Avengers, Jeff Sessions has directed his efforts toward uplifting a class of people who have long been ignored by the American educational system: white people. According to documents obtained by the New York Times, the attorney…
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Why White People Feel Oppressed, Explained
As our y’all’s Commander colluder-in-chief prepares for his first official vacation (even though he has taken more days off than any recent president, but you know how lazy those people can be), only days after announcing his new Clorox Immigration Plan, the Justice Department’s Jim Crow Affirmative Action Policy and the Muslim Friends and Family…
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Why I’m Willing to Represent the Entire Black Community to the Not Black Community
You know what I don’t mind? Aside from not minding if you stroke me up, (I don’t mind) I do not mind being the voice of Black America. Not on radio or television, I mean in the office and to white people anywhere. If I work at a company and there aren’t a lot of…
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2017 World Wypipo Tournament, Round 1, Part 2: Beckys, the Klan and the NFL Get Their Shot
As we enter the second day of our quest to find out who is the worst of the wypipo, we would like to thank all of the voters and participants in this year’s tournament. Because most of our sponsors backed out at the last minute (apparently, the marketing departments at Shea Moisture, Breitbart and Pepsi…
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What A Stint In Rehab Taught Me About White People's Feelings About Black People's Pain
Every time I read about or see a news story on the opioid epidemic, I greet it with a resounding “So what?” It’s an admittedly vindictive stance that I am in no way ashamed of. When I see that whole towns are languishing under the tyranny of the needle, I couldn’t bring myself to care…
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The 2017 World Wypipo Tournament: Who Is the Worst?
Aside from all the Emmys, Oscars, Tonys, X Games and Darwin Awards, it seems as if no one takes the time to notice and praise the accomplishments of Caucasians. Some people believe that this is what led to the rise of the fearful believers in white genocide who call themselves the alt-right. They feel that…
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The Boston Globe Running "In Defense Of The White Male" On The 4th Of July Is The Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
Since reading Roland Merullo’s “In defense of the white male” yesterday, I’ve been trying to imagine the level of hubris necessary to believe that White men are some sort of minimized American runt in dire and specific need of advocates, cheerleaders, post-dawn fellatio, and post-fellatio snickerdoodles to remind them and us of how important they are. I know…
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College Campus Shut Down After Professor’s #LetThemFuckingDie Hashtag Scares White People
In a twisted narrative that includes butt-hurt wypipo, conservative trolls, a black college professor, a racist congressman and an online essay, a Connecticut college shut its campus down for what it called “threats received” after a professor at the college shared an article suggesting that first responders should let bigots die. About a week ago,…