white people
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Pool Patrol Paula Pleads Guilty
The tartarsaucian who became known across the internet as “Pool Patrol Paula” has pleaded guilty to assault and battery on a black teenager whom she attacked for swimming in the same water as good, law-abiding white people. The Associated Press reports that Stephanie Sebby-Strempel was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine after her lawyer entered…
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Things That Are Racist, Ranked
50. Gravity. 49. Cold weather. 48. Stop signs. 47. Chicken-fried steak. 46. Astrology. 45. Male pattern baldness. 44. Kawhi Leonard’s laugh. 43. Gout. 42. Daylight saving time. 41. Internet browsing and chat histories. 40. White people, generally. 39. Colonoscopy prep. 38. Wet socks. 37. The apartment buildings that are erected in urban spaces after they’ve…
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Video: Kool-Aid, Lotion, Washcloths, Rihanna, and More Things We're Thankful For
While in town for The Root 100 several days ago, Panama and I were compelled to shoot a video articulating the many things we have to be thankful for. That it also happens to be Thanksgiving soon has absolutely no relevance whatsoever. We’re just two naturally thankful ass niggas. (In fact, “Thankful Ass Niggas” was…
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'What's Up With White People?' and 5 Other Questions Tonight's Election Will Answer
Contrary to popular belief, today’s election is not about Donald Trump. It has nothing to do with a “blue wave,” or red and blue states. It will tell us nothing about America’s changing demographics or 2020. It is all about white people. If you’ve noticed, ever since Barack Obama left office, the term “identity politics”…
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White Man Ignores Pesky Police Sirens to Get to Work on Time, Catches a Felony Instead of a Bullet
A white man in Columbus, Ind., was arrested after honking his horn at police—claiming the cops were slowing down his commute to work—then refused to pull over when they tried to stop him. According to WAVE, 28-year-old Jacob Waltermire pulled up behind a police car Friday morning and “started flailing his arms and honking his…
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My Self-Care Sunday Story: I Called The Cops On A White Guy
Like most black people with a modicum of sense and a willingness to continue their streak of consecutive years lived, I regard the police with a feeling that exists at the intersection of skepticism, annoyance and trepidation. Basically, I see them the same way I see ricotta cheese—good in lasagna but might kill me if…
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White Evangelical Support of Trump Proves They’re More ‘White’ Than ‘Evangelical’
Although I attended a black church my entire life, I was ordained into the Southern Baptist Convention, an organization complicit in the rise of the alt-right and whose troubling racial history and contemporaneous actions revealed a deep commitment to ignoring the influence of white supremacy. Last year, I wrote a piece for the New York…
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Make Mrs. America Great Again? Pageant Owner Accused of Racial Slurs and Bias
Well, we guess Mrs. America CEO and co-founder David Marmel won’t be voted Mr. Congeniality anytime soon. As the Washington Post reports, four contestants in this year’s pageant—three African American, one white American —are calling for an apology from Marmel, alleging he used racial slurs and stereotypes during a pre-competition event in Las Vegas in…
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What Taylor Swift Did Is Cool, I Guess. But We Need Fewer White People to Vote, Not More
Earlier this week, millions rejoiced as sentient Facebook algorithm Taylor Swift emerged from her rhinestone-studded cocoon of caucasity to reveal that she recently discovered racism and the importance of voting. This act apparently caused a massive voter registration spike. According to Kamari Guthrie, director of communications for Vote.org, as many as 65,000 people registered within…
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White Mother Accidentally Sends Racist Text to Her Black Nanny Then Fires Her For Possibly Being Offended
Have you ever noticed that whenever white people get caught doing or saying something racist, the first thing they want to do is throw out the “That’s not really who I am” defense? Have you ever noticed that white people will do something racist to a black person and then expect the black person to…