trump
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President Trump Is a Modern-Day Forrest Gump
To hear the president tell it, he was with John F. Kennedy the night before he was shot and Trump warned JFK that riding in a convertible wasn’t a good move. Trump was also with Neil Armstrong on the moon, although he wasn’t pictured in any of the shots. Before the 1981 NFC Championship game,…
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Sen. Rand Paul Offers to Buy Rep. Ilhan Omar a Plane Ticket Back to Somalia
Republican Rand Paul is Kentucky’s junior senator, which is kind of like starting on a JV squad. He’s a scout team member who is not really ready for primetime. He sits at the kids’ table during Thanksgiving and yet, despite that, Paul is still in the running to become Trump’s favorite grape feeder. In the…
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Trump Keeps Doing These Racist Morning Tweetstorms Because They Work
President Trump started out as the racist old man standing on his Twitter lawn yelling about the black kids driving fast through the neighborhood. Yes, he’s only yelling at the black kids, because he’s racist. With time and higher approval ratings, the further he goes into his racist bag; the president is becoming more emboldened,…
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Remember When Mike Pence Abruptly Canceled a Trip to NH? Turns Out He Was About to Shake Hands With a Drug Dealer [Corrected]
So get this: Remember earlier this month when Vice President Mike Pence was scheduled to appear in New Hampshire to give a talk on “on the opioid crisis and illegal drug flow in New Hampshire”? Well, it turns out that had Pence completed the trip, he would’ve hopped off of Air Force Two and shaken…
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Can Unseasoned Food Cause 'the Itis'? Because Trump's Commerce Secretary Can't Stop Falling Asleep
Oh shit, who knew that the itis was a real thing? I mean, of course, the black community has been arguing for centuries that falling asleep after a big meal is a medically induced happening, but it apparently has a real medical sounding name. “Postprandial somnolence (colloquially known as the itis, food coma, after dinner…
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Please Watch ESPN’s Dan Le Batard Give a Lesson on How to Use Privilege to Be an Ally
Sometimes, the pressure to do and say what’s right outweighs political position, or political correctness, and even employment. Sometimes something is so wrong that it is impossible not to call it such. Sometimes a public platform must become a public pulpit in order to help change things. On Thursday, ESPN radio and TV personality Dan…
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Trump to Nominate Late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s Son for Labor Secretary
We all know that President Trump met up with nepotism in a back alley, punched it in the balls, and hit it over the head with one of Ivanka’s kitten heels from her cruisewear line that seems to be exclusively sold at Marshall’s. The man that has given the highest level of security clearance to…
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Trump’s Selling Overpriced Straws to Idiots Who Drink Bud Light With a Beer Cozy
Nothing says “I stand with America” like doing coke off a Russian prostitute’s naked ass while using a Trump-branded straw, and thank God the president’s branding team saw fit to add his name and a ridiculous price tag to Trump straws! Fuck those liberal paper straws that don’t want to impeach the president. The Trump…
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Lindsey Graham: The President Doesn’t Want to Kick Out All Legal Citizens, Just the Ones Who Don’t Support Him
Watching Trump’s favorite footstool Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) twerk is becoming one of my favorite boredom activities. Wait, you’ve never seen Republicans twerk? Sure you have. That’s what I call it when they bend over backwards to support the president’s xenophobic, racist, immoral and unconstitutional policies and then begin talking out of their asses. Recently,…
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President Dog Whistle Repeats Insidious and Unfounded Claim That Rep. Ilhan Omar Married Her Brother
Stay with me, for a second: A mediocre white man, who inherits the majority of his wealth, claims that he’s a fantastic businessman. The same white man claims he had bone spurs to avoid serving in a war and later desecrates the legacy of deceased Arizona Senator and war hero John McCain. The white man…