trump
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Pro-Life President’s Coronavirus Treatment Was Tested Using Cells Originally Cultivated From Aborted Tissue
The antibody cocktail used to treat President Donald Trump’s case of coronavirus uses cells originally derived from aborted fetuses. The MIT Technology Review found that Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, the company responsible for crafting the antibody cocktail used by Trump, tested it using cells originally cultivated from aborted tissue. *clears throat* OOOOOOOOOO, THEY IN TROUBLEEEEEE. Just kidding,…
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The Fly and Blood in Mike Pence’s Eye: 5 Takeaways From the Vice Presidential Debate
So it happened. The Mike Tyson and Roy Jones of vice-presidential candidates finally faced off behind plexiglass, and to quote former Arizona head coach Dennis Green, “They are who we thought they were.” Mike Pence proved to be a robotic version of the president’s agenda and Sen. Kamala Harris didn’t have time for the vice…
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Trump: Stimulus Talks Are Off Unless I Win! Also Trump: My Bad, Stimulus Talks are Back On
President Quid Pro Quo tried to hold America’s stimulus checks hostage because he’s a master negotiator, and by “master,” I mean mafia. The stable genius, who was quite possibly hopped up on COVID-19 medication, went on a full “Get off my lawn” Twitter-rant that called for the end of stimulus negotiations in Congress until he…
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The Real Reason for the Plexiglass and Other Things to Watch for in Wednesday’s Vice Presidential Debate
Turns out that the social distancing and plexiglass requirements during Wednesday’s presidential debate had nothing to do with the coronavirus pandemic, as Vice President Mike Pence (the man who doesn’t dine with women alone) needs these protections if he’s going to be on stage with a woman alone. This may have something to do with…
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Trump's Going Home and Tweets ‘Don’t Be Afraid of COVID.’ Oh, and His Campaign Is Attacking Joe Biden for Not Catching the Coronavirus
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: The president is using Twitter to spread misinformation about COVID-19. OK, that was a gimme. Stop me if you don’t believe the president ever tested positive for COVID-19 and is using this diagnosis like a stunt to garner more support and move people away from the fact that…
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A Coronavirus Cotillion: White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany Tests Positive for COVID-19
White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany, affectionately called McEnemyOfTheState, has tested positive for COVID-19, bringing the most recent White House positives to at least 16, and all of whom have either been at the White House—which is now looking a lot like a Coronavirus Cotillion—or circled Trump’s orbit. “After testing negative consistently, including every day…
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The Walter Reed Coronavirus Parade: Trump’s Lying and Recklessness Has Turned Us All Into Conspiracy Theorists
President Trump is a liar. Everyone in his administration aids in his lying. Because of this, America has no idea when the president of people who found his coronavirus diagnosis to be a sad moment was actually diagnosed, nor do we have any idea whether the president even has COVID-19. We don’t know if he’s…
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Rona in the White House: Trump Hospitalized With COVID-19 Symptoms Amid Indications Rose Garden Ceremony Was Superspreader Event [Updated]
Since news broke on Friday that President Trump and his first lady Melania have tested positive for COVID-19, the situation with the president seems to have rapidly developed—or at least the administration’s public acknowledgment of the reality of coronavirus. On Friday night, the White House announced that Trump has been hospitalized at the Walter Reed…
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Letter From Trump Praising Trump Added to Food Aid Recipients' Boxes
In the latest episode of “Make sure everyone knows that I did this for them,” the Department of Agriculture (surely at President Trump’s behest) is demanding that letters from the president be included in millions of food assistance boxes. According to Politico, the Families to Farmers Food Box Program, which delivers surplus goods normally intended…