trump
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GTFOH Trump Watch: How Do You Get Fired With Only 2 Months to Go?
If you are anything like us, you can’t wait for the day that President COVID-45 (Billy Dee Williams voice) is Jazzy Jeff’d out of the White House, so consider this a countdown of sorts. What you will find here is all of the fuckery, tricks, scams, hanging chads, snowflakes, tears, and bullshitery that is going…
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The Real President Is Working on a COVID Task Force, While the White House Squatter Is Crying on Twitter
Recently, my family went to the zoo, and even with the coronavirus restrictions, I can confirm that the monkey house still smells like shit. The funny thing about the monkey house is that the longer you stay inside, the less the smell bothers you. You almost become used to it. That’s been the Trump White…
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As Trump Refuses to Concede, His Campaign Displays Its Dwindling Relevancy in Parking Lot of a Random Landscaping Company in Philly
Surprising no one, Donald Trump is refusing to accept the results of the election that has made him a one term president. After multiple networks called Pennsylvania for Joe Biden on Saturday, projecting that the former Vice President had secured 284 electoral votes—more than enough to win the Presidency—the Trump campaign sent out a statement…
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Biden and Harris Shoutout Black Voters in Victory Speeches, People Take to the Streets in Celebration of Donald's Defeat
Vice President-elect Kamala Harris strode out to deliver a victory speech on Saturday night with the powerful singing of Mary J. Blige (no, not Beyoncé) playing alongside her, an apt lead-up to the Senator’s remarks that specified the role of Black women in securing the win for her and Biden. Dressed in a fresh white…
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Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. Elected Next President of the United States
The perfect ending to a dumpster fire of a year: Righteousness has prevailed as Georgia, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Nevada stormed in like the Black Panther to help take down orange Thanos and elect Joe Biden as the 46th president of the United States. CNN and the Associated Press project that Biden will win Pennsylvania’s 20 electoral…
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Like an Actual President, Biden Gives Thoughtful Speech Promising 'Your Vote Will Be Counted'
Almost-President-elect Joe Biden gave a speech in Wilmington, Delaware Friday night that signaled a hopeful return to baseline decency in the White House, and a move away from the crazy-making public statements we’ve gotten used to from the current President. “We don’t have a final declaration of victory yet,” Biden said, while flanked by VP…
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Wait, Is Trump’s Campaign Encouraging Pennsylvania Voters to Mail-In Late Ballots? Sure Sounds Like It
I don’t know if the Trump campaign is trying to prove a point or trying to steal an election, but a campaign message to Wisconsin voters was looking for volunteers to call Pennsylvania voters in hopes of urging them to mail in absentee ballots by Friday, a desperate attempt to either expose a perceived flaw…
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Biden Takes Leads in Georgia and Pennsylvania, Coming Within a Tick’s Toenail of Becoming Next President
Can you hear that noise? It is the faint cries of South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham (R) getting punched in the stomach by an enraged Trump, who realizes that his political life is coming to an end as Biden takes leads in Pennsylvania and Georgia, moving within a gnat’s pubic hair of becoming the next…
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Day 3 of the Perpetual Queasiness That Is the Presidential Election
It’s Thursday. The presidential election was Tuesday. Here is what we know: Nothing and everything. We know that there are enough scenarios that exist in which both current President Shaymus Von Spittle and former Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden could be president. We also know that America is still fucked because Democrats couldn’t take over…
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Trump Goes on Fox & Friends to Complain About the Good Ole Days When Fox News Was Really Biased
It’s Election Day! So that means President Trump is up early on the phones with Russian operatives making sure that all of the systems are in place to steal another election. I kid, or do I? But seriously, you know someone is worried when they make an appearance on Fox & Friends to complain about…