trump
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GTFOH Trump Watch: Why the $2,000 Trump Stimulus Check Is Bullshit
My homeboy Lavelle and I had this thing we did when a kid wanted to fight me and I didn’t want to fight. I would act like I was taking off my shirt and Lavelle knew that was his cue to jump in and act like he was breaking it up. I was rail-thin growing…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: Wait, You Wanted Us to Get the Coronavirus?
Whenever I think of herd immunity, I think of the monkey house at the zoo. If you’ve ever been to the monkey house in any zoo in the world, it smells like shit. There is apparently no way to get around it. But if you want to see the monkeys, you’re going to have to…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: Even Mar-a-Lago Neighbors Don’t Want You
Once the president and his family are dragged from the White House, they’ve got to live somewhere, and considering how bizarre and meth-infused the last four years have been, there is really only one place for the Trump crime family to settle: Florida. Apparently, Melania is going to continue this whole act as if she’s…
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Trump Tells Allies He Will Run in 2024. Also Notes: You Know I Stay Lying
The president of people hoping to storm the Electoral College, which is right next to Trump University, has been telling allies that he plans to run again in 2024—and then adds that he may back out, but still fuck with me like I’m running because I love attention. According to Politico, the president has been…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: You’ve Stolen an Election Before, So Why Won’t You Do It Now?
Georgia Governor Brian Kemp is a thief. He stole his first name from a famous crooner whose surname is McKnight and his last name from a promiscuous former NBA dunker. He stole his style from Ward Cleaver and his haircut from Colonel Sanders (not the Latinx version. Man, I want so much more for Mario…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: You ’Bout to Go to Prison
If you’ve ever wondered why President Trump is fighting so hard to steal the election and remain in office, it’s because he knows that once he becomes a regular citizen again he’s going to prison. OK, maybe not directly to prison, but he’s going to have to answer for all the crooked shit he did…
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Time Honors Kamala Harris and Joe Biden as 'Person of Year'
Time has selected its Person of the Year for 2020: President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris. Time says its decision to select the two leaders, who were recently victorious in an election that Donald Trump continues to deny the reality of, is about the hope for common ground that their partnership offers Americans…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: He’s Taking This Breakup Really Hard
Breakups can be difficult, especially when one side didn’t see it coming. President Trump is really struggling with America telling him that they’ve moved on. He’s still trying to make America love him again and it’s just not working. At some point, the president has to realize that it doesn’t matter how many court cases…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: But You’re Supposed to Be a Businessman…
My cousin Mike and I have this ongoing argument that goes like this: My cousin is convinced that Trump might be the best politician to ever grace the White House. His argument is predicated on the belief that Trump has elevated politicking. He doesn’t believe that Trump is racist, but he admires how Trump uses…