theory & essay
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English Premier League Soccer, Anyone?
As I watch the 2016 Rio Olympics and struggle with the internal gymnastics (pun intended) of being “America, Fuck Yeah” and being UBER proud of our women’s gymanstics squad while simultaneously reading the news and wanting to immigrate, I’ve found myself feeling very international. Now, that’s a pretty easy thing for me to do. Hell,…
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Drake Is The Donald Trump Of Hip-Hop
I don’t remember exactly which day last week Funkmaster Flex became a top trending topic. I do remember, however, that when first seeing his name, I assumed that he either 1) died (which, fortunately, didn’t happen) or 2) finally completed his transformation from New York City DJ to the world’s first sentient Lugz chukka. (Which, unfortunately, didn’t…
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Why The World Could Use More Free Nipples
Let me start by saying that I have a hard time remembering the difference between Kylie and Kendall Jenner. Before the youngest spawns of Kris Jenner officially embraced the Kardashian way and jumped the “celebreality” shark, they were like Thing 1 and Thing 2 to me, background players that were indiscernible from one another. Kris’…
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"Watch Parties" Are Stupid, Boring, Useless, And Stupid, So Stop Having Them And Inviting Me To Them
The first watch party I attended was in D.C. in 2013. I was in town for a screening of our pilot and subsequent Q&A at Busboys and Poets. When it was over, Panama and I headed next door for a watch party for the Scandal season three premiere. Which ended up also being the last…
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American Racism: From the Hood to the Precinct
Depending on whom you ask, 2 a.m. is counted among the small hours of the day—when the world’s respectable are tucked into the sleepy fold where night meets morning. But for others, 2 a.m. is when the air falls heaviest on the shoulders, thick with the threat of chaos. A threat known to anyone who’s…
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Dear Michelle Obama, We Will Miss You.
Like most folks that I know who took the time to actually watch the Republican National Convention in Cleveland (I was one of them), I similarly decided to watch this week’s Democratic National Convention taking place in Philadelphia. Full disclosure, I’m not a fan of Hillary Clinton and pretty much hate Donald Trump, but I’m…
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How To Prove Your Own Murder (#HTPYOM)
Yesterday morning, I found myself searching for answers on the 6 train. I did everything I was supposed to do but, sometimes that falls short. Talk to God. Be objective. Consider all sides. Listen to the elders. But nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing. So how do you make the case for your own murder when…
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Confession: I Love My Baby Daughter, But I (Probably) Hate Your Baby
In the months leading up to the birth of my daughter, I was filled with anxiety. Which apparently is normal and expected. And most of these anxieties existed in the form of questions. Some commonplace and perfunctory. (“What type of dad will I be?” “What type of person will she be?”) And some not so…