theory & essay
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How To Talk To A Woman In A Diabetic Coma
We’ve all been there before. You notice an attractive lady, and you want to make her aware of your existence as a man who just noticed her for the first time seven seconds ago but now wants to have sex with her. But unfortunately a lifelong diet of caramel frappachinos and king-size Whatchamacallits have placed her…
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Hey Y’all, I Think My Mother Is Voting For Donald Trump
First things first, I PJ, would like to state up front that I can talk about my mama, but the rest of you people cannot. Cool? Cool. Also, I am lucky enough to have two mothers: this piece speaks of my mother in Michigan, who is originally from France. And white. And awesome so put…
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How Twitter Made Me A Better Man
I first logged on to Twitter in 2009. I was (and still am) a Black man, the first in his family to attend and graduate college. By proxy, my pursuit of post-bachelor education was also a family milestone. This is more or less an elongated way to say whatever privilege people think Black men have,…
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We Didn't Deserve Michelle Obama: A Post-Apocalyptic Tale Of Immortan Trump And American Stupidity
220 years from now, when Earth finally starts to recover from the post-apocalyptic hellscape of the 22nd century, the planet’s remaining survivors will begin emerge from their nested catacombs near the Earth’s core. They will be a stark and severe people; the unrelenting sobriety of their collective countenances will both mimic the land and be…
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This Sorority Recruitment Video Is The Scariest Fucking Thing I've Ever Seen And Will Give You Nightmares
There really isn’t much I can say to describe the sublime horror captured on this video. Except perhaps that it’s all there. In 39 seconds of film, the University of Texas’s Alpha Delta Pi chapter somehow managed to incorporate every element of every nightmare I’ve ever had. There’s the preternaturally and eerily chipper voices. Like a…
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Experience A Rape Trial Through The Perspective Of A Victim
You’ve just experienced the worst night of your life. Maybe you remember all of the details, maybe you don’t. And truly, both circumstances are a unique brand of unfathomable hell. Either the detailed knowledge of all the ways that you have been irrevocably violated seared into your brain for eternity. Or a gaping space of…
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Dear Men Who Very Obviously Hate Women: Do Yourselves A Favor And Just Admit It!
The idea that overt and unambiguous racism is preferable to subtler forms of prejudice is not a terribly uncommon one among Black people. Of course, like Tyga’s music and soft chicken wings, all racism is really bad. But if given the choice between clear racism and concealed and/or confusing racism, many of us (myself included) would choose…
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If Your Pastor Says “Racism Isn’t A Skin Problem, It’s A Sin Problem” You Need To Find Another Church
Recently I decided to visit a popular, contemporary church known for its multicultural emphasis. (Read: it tries to be neither a ‘Black church’ nor a ‘White church’ in its cultural expressions of Christian worship.) I did this because, after being conspicuously silent about race and racism after the Charleston shootings (the church did not so…